How To Prevent Your Spouse From 'Quiet Quitting' Your Marriage
Create an unbreakable bond that stands the test of time.
Getty Images | Unsplash What happens if you don’t listen to your partner and negative feelings fester?
This is the #1 cause of partners “Quietly Quitting” or heading for the hills with expensive divorce lawyers. Have you wondered why so many uber-successful corporate types may have long-term marriages, but the spark seems to be gone, and they no longer kiss or hug their spouses?
The spouses know the answer because their uber-successful corporate-type partners haven’t been listening for a long time, perhaps they have never listened.
These are the spouses most likely to “quietly quit” their marriages.
Here's how to prevent your spouse from 'quiet quitting' your marriage.
1. Hear your partner’s needs
Listen and demonstrate you’re not waiting for them to stop talking so they will genuinely hear you.
You have to care enough to consider how your partner’s needs differ from your own, and you don’t judge.
You need to learn a loving vocabulary so you reply with love and compassion about their needs, not yours.
After you listen and learn what isn’t working, sweetly ask, “Is there anything else you want me to know?” and mean it!
After you have understood everything that is causing your spouse pain, you can ask, “Would you be willing to hear my thoughts about that?” and wait patiently in case that inspires them to say more because you remember that listening creates as much passion as speaking.
2. Examples that work and don’t work.
They say, “I’m tired of doing all the housework AND having a job, too, when you just do your job!”
Instead of arguing back, you reply, “I know you must feel exhausted at the end of the week. It sounds like you need to rest this weekend instead of socializing, right?”
They say, “I’m not in the mood”.
Rather than bickering, you reply, “I understand; you had a long day; let me rub your back, and honestly, that’s all I’m going to do!” and say it with a sincere smile.
They say, “I can’t sleep with your snoring; I’m going to sleep in the other bedroom.”
To let them feel heard and to take the first step to creating a loving environment that prevents Quiet Quitting, you reply, “I know you have given up so much sleep to keep me company. Would it be helpful if I consult a doctor to see about options that work because I love being together every night, and you need to be able to sleep, too?”
Photo: vectorfusionart via Shutterstock
3. If you don’t listen to your partner and negative feelings fester
When you run a company, even if you’re the nicest guy in the world, you control employees’ incomes, so they usually obey you to protect their paychecks.
Some spouses may start wanting to be in this role, but when resentment builds, one phone call to a divorce lawyer will show them the way out of Deadsville is usually paved with gold.
Unlike the fate of some employees who quit without a golden parachute, domestic partners usually amass equity, like paying a mortgage for a long time and getting a payday when you sell your home.
4. Stifling your spouse's complaints leads to disaster
Anger, frustration, and grief don’t suddenly appear, and they don’t just disappear either. Instead, the less powerful partner gives up, stops talking about problems, and begins an exit strategy.
Yet, if these powerful people learned to hear their partners and acknowledge the truth in their complaints, they could often turn the marriage around before it’s too late. Most of these spouses began their relationships full of hope, and many of them discovered silence was the price of their security.
Even then, when the hope of a happy future was diminished, many didn’t “quit” at all. Instead, they soldiered on hoping for a miracle.
Whether spouses are quietly quitting intimacy or permanently leaving the marriage depends more on the spouse's ability or inability to function in the world. When a spouse's anger or disappointment makes them think about quitting, they have disconnected from unconditional love. Now, they're there for convenience, financial survival, or the all-popular; “for the children”.
Listening with empathy is the #1 skill required for lifelong passion and the deepest, most joyous intimacy. Without it, the relationship goes from hot to cold in a matter of years.
A lack of effective listening is the primary reason so many spouses quietly quit. While their powerful mate says marriage is too much trouble and heaps of derision on their soon-to-be ex.
When you take the time to listen, you’ll hear the confusion and hopelessness of a life that lacks unconditional love and authentic passion.
5. A Secret Hack if You Hate Listening to Complaints!
If you do what works and provide more of what your partner wants, there is less for them to complain about. This means you understand how a deeply loving relationship is based on both partners’ needs being met.
Loving words have been proven to be the #1 most powerful way to make romantic people feel loved. All the gifts, trips, and possessions fail to create an intimate, intensely emotional bond. If you fear your partner is in danger of quietly or loudly quitting, learning to use affectionate words can save your marriage.
Even if these words seem “fluffy” please know this is what a passionate, loving spouse often needs to hear. Simple phrases need to be memorized until they become second nature for you, and be sure to use a soft tone of voice.
Examples of Loving Words:
“I love it when you…………..”
“You make me very happy when you…………….”
“Do you prefer when I …………………. or when I ……………..”
“Would you be willing to……………..”
When you communicate in this way, you create an unbreakable bond that stands the test of time as well as weathers any challenges you may face because you will face life as partners and equals.
Susan Allan is a Life Coach whose Evolution Revolution® Trainings offer proven tools to experience joy, and happiness and let go of suffering.