People In Happy, Low-Key Marriages Usually Learned 8 Habits Early In Life
Andrii Nekrasov | Shutterstock There was a time when I imagined that marriage would be like one long, adult sleepover. I envisioned late nights staying up together, eating ice cream, cooking in an apron with not much underneath, and whole days lounging in bed together. Seven years later, most of my dreams have been shattered (well, except maybe the ice cream), but when push comes to shove, my marriage is a happy one. But that means working on my marriage game through a few low-key habits that make a massive difference to both of us.
People in happy marriages learned these low-key habits:
1. They learned the power of touch
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Just in some small way, I give my husband a loving touch. I'm ashamed to admit that if I'm not conscious of it, it's possible for days to go by without us having any physical contact. Physical touch — whether it be a simple hug, kiss, or even holding hands — helps keep us connected. Research even shows that physical touch helps with emotional bonding and reduces stress, so it's a win/win for you and your marriage.
2. They learned the power of gratitude
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My husband and I go overboard in this department, but better safe than sorry, I say. We're both very cognizant of showing our gratitude for how hard the other one works, and it's so easy to just say, "Thanks, honey, for doing that," even if it's something silly like changing the baby's dirty diaper or emptying the dishwasher.
3. Happily married people learned to give a little
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I'm not the world's most selfless person, so sometimes I have to force myself to do something I don't enjoy for the sake of my marriage. Generally, this will mean something like seeing my husband out the door or making him coffee before I fix one for myself. It's little stuff, sure, but those are the low-key things that make a massive difference.
4. They learned to take care of themselves
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Part of a happy marriage means making sure that numero uno — me — is taken care of. Happy wife, happy life, right? I try to check myself and what I need and make that happen. It might mean asking my husband if I can have a "timeout" for ten minutes or locking myself in the bedroom, but I'm slowly learning to put myself first once in a while for the health of our marriage. Along those lines, exercise is a high priority. It's my sanity and my therapy, and it has major benefits all around — ahem, even in the bedroom. It's a non-negotiable for me, and those benefits trickle down into my marriage.
5. People like this learned to communicate
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My husband sometimes pokes fun at me for giving him the play-by-play of my entire day, so I now make it a point to continue it because I'm annoying like that. No, but really, it's important for our relationship that we understand the big and small moments about each other's days, right down to the time the toddler locked himself in the closet and peed on all the clean blankets. (True story, this happened yesterday.)
6. People in happy marriages learned the power of 'just because'
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It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, but checking in with each other during the day is a simple way to stay connected. Today's text exchange looked a little something like this: "How's it going p" (from my husband; I think the "p" was a typo). Mine was quite riveting: "Good, u?" I know, the romance is way too exciting. But checking in 'just because' is a nice reminder that your partner's front of mind during even the most mundane moments of life — and let's be real: there are a lot of those.
7. They learned to focus on the good
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Don't get me wrong, I focus plenty on the annoying stuff my husband does. But when I'm tempted down the road of thinking, "Hmm, I wonder how hard a divorce really would be?" it helps me to remember that the good things about my husband are just as real as any time he left his underwear for me to pick up again. Focusing on the good isn't about ignoring problems, but about choosing to focus on the things your partner does right, not wrong.
Chaunie Brusie is a Registered Nurse, writer, editor, and the author of the book, The Moments That Made You A Mother.
