People Who've Found Their Person Usually Recognize These 5 Rare Feelings
Goldmund | Canva Have you met someone new — maybe even a person you think could be a genuine soul connection? If so, ain’t romance grand? The long, late-night conversations, holding hands as you walk through the park, the butterflies you feel when you see them ... it’s all so wonderful, and it's also all so scary. Opening yourself up to someone and allowing yourself to fall in love with them can be terrifying. Letting your guard down enough to let a person into your heart makes you tremendously vulnerable.
Because of this, many of us are hesitant to let ourselves fall in love — sometimes, so much so that we don't even know when it's already happened. If you're feeling confused and aren't 100% sure of what you're feeling, look for these five rare signs that will make the answer of whether or not you're in love with your person.
Here are a few rare things you'll feel when you've found your person:
1. You'll feel all the feels
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It's important to understand the difference between being in love with someone and having a genuine soul connection to someone. I believe that when you've found your person, you feel the feelings that you read about in books. When you see your person, your heart leaps a little bit, you long for their touch, you want to know everything about them, spending time together is lovely, and you care about their hopes and dreams.
When you love someone, as opposed to being in love with someone, your feelings are more of friendship. You feel peaceful and happy being with them and supporting them in their endeavors, but that feeling of your heart leaping, of relishing their physical touch, just isn’t there. How do you feel when you see your person? Does your heart leap, or do you just feel peaceful? It’s an important distinction and one that only you can know.
2. You'll miss them when you are apart
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When you've found your person, watching them walk out the door can be physically painful. You count the minutes, hours, or days until you will see them again. When you are reunited, it’s like you feel whole again. It is important, however, to know the difference between obsessive love and being in love.
When we are in obsessive love, when we are apart from our partner, we cannot function. We are constantly wondering where they are and what they are doing, and maybe even stalking them on social media. Our jobs and friendships suffer, and the physical pain from the distance is debilitating. If you love someone healthily, being apart from them is hard, but you still live your life as you always have, waiting anxiously to see them again, but also perfectly healthy apart. And, man, you know that the reunion will be worth the wait.
3. If you've found your person, you'll love them because of their flaws, not in spite of them
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When you've found your person, you'll even love the things you find frustrating about them. Perhaps they always leave dirty dishes in the sink or act differently when they are with the guys, or forget to buy you flowers on your anniversary: Things that you truly wish could be different.
But if you love the person because of their shortcomings, not despite, and perhaps even think they are adorable even while they are bugging you, then you are definitely in love. My boyfriend has these short-sleeve button-down shirts that he likes to wear to work in the summer, and white sneakers, too. I hate those shoes and shirts, but man, even while wearing them, he is the most handsome man I have ever seen every time he walks out the door in the morning. Yes, I have found my person.
4. You'll feel secure in what you have
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If you've found your person, you aren’t constantly questioning the relationship. Do you think that you want to be in this relationship, but just aren’t sure? Do you think about whether you are making a mistake in committing to this person? Do you spend time thinking about other people instead? Do you find yourself rationalizing your relationship more often than not? People who are in love are secure in the fact that love is real and equal and that a commitment to it is a smart one. If there are little red flags that you are ignoring or if you are constantly wondering if this person is enough for you, then that person's likely not the one.
5. People who have found their person are all in
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Do you find yourself looking at other people and wondering if, for whatever reason, you might be interested in a relationship with them? Do your friends introduce you to other people whom they think might be better for you? If either of these things is the case, you might not have found your person. People who have found a genuine soul connection don’t go seeking other potential mates. They are perfectly happy with the person sitting beside them, and the prospect of being with someone else is abhorrent.
Furthermore, if you've found your person, you know that, more than anything, you don’t want to hurt your partner with your wandering eyes or hands. You know that keeping your eyes firmly focused on them is what you want to do every day, and they will love you for it. Knowing that you are in love with your person is an important part of taking the next step in a relationship. If you are in love, then you can open yourself up and move forward in your relationship, knowing it’s the right thing to do. And if you don’t love them, let them go. They deserve to find love, too. So don’t waste either of your time pretending that you'll be the one to provide it.
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach who works with individuals who strive to heal their toxic relationships so they can have their happily ever after. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
