People With Amazing Grandparents Usually Learned These 5 Old-Fashioned Lessons About Love
Comstock | Canva Breaking up is tough enough without having to worry about the next time you might run into your ex, hear a song, or remember a sweet memory of them. It's even harder if you don't have old-timey gems of wisdom — most often imparted by our amazing grandparents — to help you get through a particularly rough spot.
Sure, some of their advice might be weird and outdated and, in some cases, totally inappropriate (We love you, Grandma), but they also have a way of giving you shoot-from-the-hip, honest love advice that comes from heart and experience. You'd be wise to listen.
If you have amazing grandparents, you probably learned these old-fashioned lessons about love:
1. 'Don't keep picking at a wound that's trying to heal'
Don’t worry — not forever. Just until you both can give the wounds some time to heal. Even if you two decide to get back together later, it’s still best to act as though things are done for good. The late biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher states that constant communication just makes us relive the break-up over and over and over and over. We don’t want that, do we? (Grandpa Joe says no, you certainly do not.)
2. 'Hold your head high'
This is advice passed down from a dear friend's step-grandparent, and so very true: I’m not encouraging you to turn your break-up into a game, but if you’re the one being left, and you’re upset, sit tight and don't let them know it. They say the best revenge is not falling apart.
3. 'Everyone gets a slice of the responsibility pie'
So many times in a break-up, we sit and think about what’s wrong with us, what we could have done better, and I think that’s healthy for self-improvement, but shoot, what about the other person?
I always like to ask the same question back: “Is there something wrong with them?” “What could they have done differently?!” I think taking a nice chunk of the responsibility pie is great, like I said, but go ahead and share the pie. It takes two to tango and two to mess up a relationship.
4. 'Take off the rose-colored glasses'
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This happens to the best of us and is normal after a break-up. Suddenly, you remember every decent thing about them. You remember all the good without a healthy sense of what was wrong. The only way to get back to getting emotionally healthy is to be aware of this and add in reality as much as you can, when you can.
5. 'The world doesn't revolve around you'
Lastly, the most difficult thing you are probably battling is all the intrusive thoughts going in and out of your head like you’re a 24hr 7-11. Don’t you just wish you had a stop button on all thinking? Your Grandma Jane would gift you that if she could.
Unless you meditate (which isn’t a bad idea!), you are probably struggling with this. One of the best things I have seen that works for this may be a little surprising to you. Find a way to serve others. Yes. Whether it be baking cookies, volunteering, or helping someone move.
Try to invest yourself in others. This really helps your mind stay busy, plus helping other people out will make you feel good about yourself and happy to make someone else happy — research (and your grandma) says so.
Jenna Couture is a marriage and relationship educator and dating coach.
