The Most Painful Relationship Of Your Life Will Be With This Type Of Man, According To A Relationship Coach
You have to watch out for this one trait.
Caio | Pexels There are always red flags to watch out for when you start dating a new guy, but according to a relationship coach, there's one factor that can give a preview of the most painful relationship of your life. While many red flags, such as manipulative behavior, a lack of respect, or even the way a man treats service staff, can expose a bad partner, according to relationship coach Fila McMillan-Antwine, there is an even better sign. It's how a man feels about his mother.
In a video, McMillan-Antwine explained that a man who doesn’t respect his mom is unlikely to be a good partner. She argued that a man who "harbors hatred or resentment toward his own mother" could be a dangerous partner to let into your life.
The relationship coach said a man who resents his mother will result in a painful relationship.
"The most dangerous man to have in your space and in your life," Fila said, "is a man who harbors hatred or resentment toward his own mother." She added that it doesn’t matter what his experience with his mother might have been. If he hates her, he will likely resent you as well.
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Fila explained that even if you are a good woman and make him feel loved, he will never be able to love you fully and purely. "Every time he sees you, he sees his mother," she said. She added that whenever he tries to love you genuinely, all the hatred and resentment he feels toward his mother will come up.
The relationship coach said a man with unresolved mother issues is unable to enter into a healthy and loving relationship.
She added that if you’re dealing with a man who has this emotional barrier tied to his mother, "You need to leave, because you’re in danger, girl." Fila explained that there is nothing you can do to fix this issue and emphasized that this is the most dangerous type of man you can encounter. The reason, she said, is that he will never truly see you. Every aspect of your womanhood will be tied back to his mother.
"Even if his mom was a poor caretaker," she said, "even if she was on drugs, on the streets, abandoned him, or abused him, his responsibility is to heal his emotional environment so that he will be able to give and receive healthy love."
According to Calm, Fila's argument certainly has merit. Dr. Chris Mosunic explained, "Men with mommy issues might struggle with trust, become overly dependent on women for support, or avoid emotional closeness. These patterns can lead to challenges in both romantic relationships and friendships, as well as other areas in life where trust and commitment are concerned."
Fila concluded by saying that it's important for women to avoid this type of man. She also noted that women should be aware of their own behaviors that might attract these men into their lives. She emphasized that if this type of man does come their way, they should leave as soon as they realize it.
A man with unresolved 'mommy issues' might not be the worst.
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Let’s dive into what Fila said and analyze her points alongside opinions from other experts. Right from the start, however, it’s clear that she isn’t entirely correct. She repeatedly claims that men with mother issues are the worst type of men because they can never love you purely. But really? These men may certainly be difficult or even toxic, but is the inability to love “purely” truly the worst trait a man can have? What about men who are manipulative, emotionally abusive, or physically aggressive? Aren’t those far more dangerous?
Still, there’s no doubt that men with “mommy issues” need to work on themselves. Christiana Njoku, a certified relationship coach, wrote an article for Marriage.com explaining the signs of these issues and ways to address them. Some common problems include being entitled, constantly comparing a partner to his mother, feeling insecure, lacking respect for women, and an increased probability of infidelity.
Psychology teacher Dr. Saul McLeod stressed that a strained relationship with a mother doesn't have to define a man's life as long as he is willing to heal. "It’s often helpful to seek professional help," he explained. In addition, men can take steps to begin healing from mother-related issues. They can reflect and develop awareness of specific problems, explore underlying emotions and triggers, educate themselves on mother issues, establish healthy boundaries, practice forgiveness, and focus on self-care.
The main takeaway is simple: if a man resents his mother and directs that resentment toward you, then leave without hesitation. But using Fila’s own words, is a man truly the “most dangerous” type simply because he resents a mother who abused or abandoned him? None of these issues ever justifies a man treating you poorly. If he does, leave. But claiming that a man is dangerous simply for feeling resentment toward a person who traumatized him is an unreasonable view. Be with a man who respects you, regardless of his childhood trauma.
Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.
