Men Who Don’t Deserve The Women They’re With Often Say 11 Painfully Selfish Phrases
Justlight | Shutterstock One of the most striking things about the modern dating world is how often the worst men seem to end up with the most wonderful women. It’s often mind-boggling. In many cases, it’s a result of men pretending to be decent people until they feel they have the woman under their control.
In other cases, it’s a woman who doesn’t know how bad she has it. No matter how the awful guys get the girl, they all start sounding the same after a while. If you hear any of these painfully selfish phrases uttered by the man you're with, it’s time to get outta Dodge City and back to Singletown.
Men who don’t deserve women often say a few painfully selfish things:
1. ‘That’s your job’
Oh no, honey. If you ever hear a man tell you that dishes, housekeeping, or childcare is “your job,” you’re not with the right man. A healthy relationship is 50/50, so you should expect your partner to pitch in whenever you’re overwhelmed with work or need help.
Men who think housework is only for women aren't good partners. At least one study revealed that one in every four couples divorce over chores. Skip the divorce. Dump him while you’re dating.
2. ‘You’re going to wear that in public?’
One of the key moves of an abusive, insecure bully is the choice to control what their partner wears. What’s wild is that the man in question often falls for the girl because she is as vibrant as she is—and then he slowly chips away at that because he’s afraid she'll leave.
If he starts controlling what you wear, he’ll start trying to control other things. It’s not a good sign and suggests that your partner will start getting more controlling and abusive as days pass.
3. ‘You’re so much better at this than I am, so why don’t you do it?’
wavebreakmedia | Shutterstock
This is another classic line from men who've mastered the art of weaponized incompetence. When a man says this, it’s not a compliment. It’s a cop-out to avoid chores he’s fully capable of doing. Coddling an adult baby is no way to go through life. You deserve better than that.
4. ‘Marriage is just a piece of paper’
If one thing grinds my gears more than anything else, it’s a man who is happy to accept a woman working to build him up without offering the commitment she wants.
This is known as “future faking,” and the idea is simple: get as much work and money out of a woman as possible without giving her a ring in return. Men who do this generally don’t like the women they’re with, often in relationships that started with them fully gung-ho on marriage. Do not give this man the time of day. He’ll never commit.
5. ‘You’re going to have to convince me you’re worth committing to’
This is one of the most toxic, venomous things a man can say to a woman. It’s a phrase meant to make a woman immediately devalue herself, beg for his love, and worse. In other words, it’s manipulative and fairly emotionally abusive.
Instead of playing his game, get up and leave when he says this. It will throw him for a loop and will give you time to pick yourself back up.
6. ‘If only you would do as I ask, I wouldn’t do this to you’
Did you ever notice how so many abusive men keep saying that women are the reason they do awful things? It’s always some kind of spin on “Look what you made me do,” when in reality, he had every capability to not hit a woman.
No amount of back-bending, no amount of submission, and no amount of “Yes, dear’s” will even truly satisfy an abusive man. They’re like black holes, forever consuming women.
7. ‘You’re so emotional’
Almost every woman has heard this phrase from a man, and it almost never comes from love. This is a phrase used by abusive men who want to tamp down on women actually raising their voice to them.
In other words, it minimizes the damage they’re doing. Being called “overly emotional” is a way of just excusing women for being upset when they’re being disrespected. That’s not okay.
8. ‘It was an accident’
This is a phrase that often pops up after a man cheats on a girl and gets caught doing it. It suddenly becomes “an accident,” and something she should forgive because he normally would never do that.
The problem is, it’s hard to accidentally kiss someone or accidentally leave tawdry messages on their phone. Next!
9. ‘Sorry I forgot your anniversary/birthday/Valentine’s Day gift’
Vadym Huzhva | Shutterstock
Most women work themselves to the bone for the men in their lives, whether it’s through cleaning, making sure the kids are okay, or providing for them. Only a couple of times a year does a woman really want time to herself and to feel appreciated.
If you managed to forget your anniversary, her birthday, or a similarly woman-centric holiday, you’re in deep trouble. If you do it multiple times? It’s just blatant disrespect. A woman would be right to assume you don’t deserve her if this is a habit. (And ladies? Dump him if he does this to you regularly. He’s not worth it.)
10. What, you want some type of fairytale romance?’
For reasons beyond my understanding, a lot of men don’t take pride in being able to sweep women off their feet. Romancing their way into a woman's heart used to be a major flex for men, but it isn't anymore.
It’s awfully entitled for men to expect women to swoon over them when they put zero effort into trying to make them feel good. If you’re dealing with a guy like this, he’s not worth calling back.
11. ‘Women are only after money’
Oh, this is rich. In more and more families, women are the main breadwinners. So, if men are whining about golddiggers, maybe it’s time they look in the mirror.
A good rule of thumb for single ladies: get up, pay the bill, and leave the table the moment a man says this. The same applies to its corollary, the classic, “What do you bring to the table?” If he couldn’t figure that out, he probably should reexamine why he asked you out.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has appeared in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and other outlets.
