Is He Legit — Or Does He Just Want You As Arm Candy?

Are you just a trophy to him or is he actually into you?

man and woman holding hands Andrii Medvediuk / Shutterstock

One question that I am frequently asked by women is, "Are these men really serious about finding someone or do they just want an armpiece?"

I am convinced that everyone is looking for their true love. It may not always seem like it when you go on date after date and nothing seems to come of it.

So, naturally, some women wonder if guys are serious — or just looking for someone who looks good to show them a great time. In the end, both things often are true. 


RELATED: Guys Explain What Men Really Want In A Relationship

How visual stimulation motivates men in dating

Because men are visually stimulated, it only makes sense that when plunking down thousands of dollars for a matchmaking service they would choose the one that offers good-looking women. It’s the same thing as if a woman had the choice of meeting successful men or men who are broke.


But I still meet women who have a hard time accepting the fact that looks are the first thing a man is interested in. A man is just not going to approach a woman that he does not find attractive and say “Hi, my name is Jim, you look like you have a beautiful soul and a brilliant mind, would you like to have dinner sometime?”

Most men will not become excited looking at someone they don't find attractive. It’s the reason that advertising agencies hire gorgeous models to sell everything from cosmetics, shampoo, cars, clothing, perfume, and even hamburgers to name a few. Now, all of us are not blessed with the gene pool of a Paris model, but we can still get our behinds to the gym or around the block a few times per day and cut out junk food.

Staying in good shape — whatever that means for you — is probably the most important thing that you can do to help ensure that you will attract a man and then keep him interested once you do.

RELATED: The Secret Thing Men Want More Than Love (And How To Give It To Them)


Feeling good, looking good

Staying in shape is also one of the most important things that you can do for your health.

Did you know that high blood pressure is twice as common among people with obesity (defined as a Body Mass Index of 30 or more)? Obesity increases the likelihood of arthritis, Type 2 diabetes, breast cancer, and other potentially debilitating health conditions.

Of course, you don’t want to obsess about your health and appearance, either. I’m sure you all know one of those women who are about the size of a twig but still think that they’re fat. Or one who just turned twenty-nine and whines, “I’m so old!” Looking and feeling healthy, fit, strong, and sexy is the goal.

Here are some great health tips that you should try if you are not already doing them.

  • Invest in a juicer and make wonderful fresh vegetable and fruit juices right at home.
  • Drink plenty of filtered water.
  • Sodas of any kind are terrible for your health and should be cut out of your diet.
  • Drink green tea daily for anti-oxidants and more.
  • Avoid eating fried foods and saturated fat, and start incorporating olive oil into your diet.

Slowly making healthy and smart changes will put you on the road to looking and feeling great — which, of course, will result in attracting the kind of dates you like. So to answer the original question, “Does he just want an armpiece?” In a way, yes!

But an attractive appearance and healthy physique are not all men are looking for in a woman.

RELATED: 11 Little Things Men Secretly Adore About The Woman They Love

Here are five other qualities that men he's legit (and sees you as more than just arm candy):

1. She's smart

She doesn’t necessarily have to have a college degree as long as she is bright and can have a stimulating conversation. A woman can be stunning in the looks department but if she doesn’t know who our vice president is, or where Portugal is located on the map, he won’t be inclined to take her to his upscale events with his business associates.


2. She's laid back

Men love a woman who can go with the flow. Not always complaining, and is open to trying new things. If he takes you to an opera or a football game and you can’t see straight from boredom, try to pretend you like it and appreciate his efforts in doing something nice for you.

3. She has her own interests

A man likes to know that a woman has things that she is passionate about and involved in other than him. It also gives you lots to talk about at the dinner table.

4. She keeps up with current events

Men love a woman who knows what is going on in the world. Women in their twenties don’t tend to keep up with current events as much as the older gals, but at least find out who the major movers and shakers on the world stage are and get an overview of what’s going on.


5. She has a good sense of humor

Being able to laugh and not take yourself too seriously is so important in a good relationship.

So, as you can see, men generally look for the whole “package.” Good looks alone only won’t get you very far.

RELATED: 5 Lies You've Been Told About What Men Really Want

Marla Martenson is a transformational life coach, matchmaker, author & tarot reader.