What To Do When You're In Love With Two Men

Photo: NDAB Creativity / 
woman with two men

Living in a monogamous society obsessed with fairytales, you always dream of the day when you met your "one" true love. 

But what happens if, when you finally find your man, you discover your heart beating for another at the same time. You are left wondering — what do you do now?

Falling for two men simultaneously is more common than you realize. But, it's tricky, especially if you are already in a monogamous relationship. Such feelings bring a lot of shame, guilt, and self-disgust.

Altogether, the added confusion refrains you from reaching a sound decision. The passion you feel for another man just proves you are a human.

Hence, the first step is to forgive yourself.

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How to figure out what to do, when you're in love with two men at the same

1. Evaluate the kind of love you feel for each man.

More often than not, you always know the kind of love you feel for people. For instance, it's deep platonic love with your girlfriends and familial love for parents and caregivers. Similarly, it's easy to decode the love you have for both the men you are eyeing. It can either be romantic, emotional, or purely sexual.

While one man showers you with respect and stability, the other blows your mind in the bed. Being assured of your core feelings help you escape the confusion. 

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2. Figure out the status of your current relationship.

Falling in love with another man while still being in love with your partner hints at one thing — your current relationship is not working. Presently, you are discontent with your relationship. Some contributing factors include lack of support, lost attraction, and misunderstandings.

Often, you find yourself complaining about your partner to this person. You can't help but notice all the extraordinary qualities in this man that your present partner lacks. At the same time, you are incapable of letting go of your relationship provided the history, hope for a better future, and attachment issues.

Also, if you discover the two men you are in love with are polar opposites, then your love for your current partner is gradually fading away. 

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3. Find out who you are more compatible with.

Decide who is more compatible with you. Consider things like shared goals, dreams, future plans, mannerisms, etc.

For instance, one of these men can give you butterflies. He is exciting, alluring, and charming. Yet, he has no long-term plans, lacks promising communication skills, and isn't set to have a family. The decision is going to take a strain on you.

It will be essential to come to a conclusion. Especially if you favor monogamy.

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4. Reconsider your views on monogamy.

Do you feel restricted while confining your feelings to one person? Have you always felt the need to have healthy relationships with more than one romantic partner? If yes, then it's time to shatter stereotypes.

Assess what it's been like being in love with two men simultaneously. If given a chance, will you proceed to be in an emotional and physical relationship with both of these two men? Is the feeling empowering for you or something that you are embarrassed about?

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5. Discuss ethical non-monogamy with your partner.

If monogamy is not a requisite for you to enjoy being in a healthy romantic relationship, odds are you are polyamorous. Rejecting societal norms, poly amorous people decide their own journey. In a poly amorous relationship, you are allowed to have romantic relationships with multiple partners. However, it's called cheating if all the parties involved are not informed. 

To find out if you are polyamorous, look at your present and past relationships. Evaluate if you have always wanted to have sexual or emotional intimacy outside your relationship. If yes, then it's time to have a discussion with the two men you are in love with.

Mind you, the results may or may not be in your favor as not everyone is emotionally capable to see a future in such romance.

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6. Be open about your intentions with both men.

As we don't have control over most of our emotions, it's not your fault if you are in love with two amazing men at the same time. However, keeping them uninformed and hanging is not okay at all.

Whatever your decision is, don't let the men live in oblivion. It's fine if you are not ready to disclose it to the men before you come to a decision. Just don't take too long.

Being honest about your feelings to the men can seem overwhelming, but you need to do what's right at the end of the day.

It's better to be direct than to break someone's trust.

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Sidhharrth Kumaar is an astro-numerologist and Founder of NumroVani. He couples his knowledge in occult and modern sciences together to solve real-world problems in the areas of mental wellbeing and relationship growth.