If He Does These 6 Things, Yikes! He's A Covert Narcissist

This is different from your regular narcissist.

By The Good Men Project — Last updated on Jun 02, 2023

Photo: danisnilo/ Shutterstock

By Ashley Berges

Today I want to talk about the signs that you’re with a covert or shy narcissist.

A covert narcissist is different from an overt or classic narcissist, and that’s why this information is so important today.

There are signs that will illuminate the fact that you’re in a relationship with a shy or covert narcissist and I want to go through those right now.

If he does these 6 things, he's a covert narcissist:

1. You are being played

You’re being played mentally and emotionally, and they use crude ways of manipulation — they're no CIA genius.

I think a lot of times we want to believe that because you can’t see the forest through the trees and also because we have a little bit of an ego that says that if we’re being played it got to be some sort of military top-secret type of manipulation, not something like this. But unfortunately, you are dealing with someone who is dealing with a possible lower level of emotional intelligence.

2. They have a lot of self-doubt

They have a lot of self-doubts, they’re outwardly depressed, they have a low energy level — and all is the opposite of an overt or classic narcissist. Remember that a classic narcissist is that alpha male or alpha female, opposite from the covert.

3. Stress really messes them up

Stress puts them in a tizzy because they’re highly vulnerable to it. They’re highly vulnerable to stress, they have difficulty with criticism and they like a lot of sympathy. They like to tell you a lot of sob stories and remember the opposite, the classic narcissist, does not want your sympathy.

4. Anger is a big theme in their life

The first emotion that comes from them when they are pushed is anger. It’s not really only sadness, it’s not something different. It's anger because anger is sparked. They’re actually internally angry.

5. They know for the most part the image that they’ve created is not real

So different from that classic narcissist, they KNOW that they’re actually living a lie. Because of that, they worry about that lie being uncovered. They stress out about it and they internally believe that they are not worthy of anything. Hence the foundation of the shy, covert narcissist.

6. They’re self-entitled

This is a really interesting caveat. They’re self-entitled, but on the contrary, they have severe self-image issues and self-worth issues so they feel less worthy. They’re not confident, but they’re entitled which is a very interesting dynamic.

With anything, think about these six tips and these six distinctions and flags. There’s a big spectrum, so it's not one-size-fits-all with the covert or shy narcissist.