Love

7 Harsh-But-Accurate Reasons You Can't Find Love

Photo: Toa Heftiba | Unsplash
Woman longing for love

Looking for your perfect match might make you feel frustrated and hopeless. But the truth is you're probably going to meet them soon. Yes, you're going to meet the person of your dreams.

Unless you adjust your perspective, you're going to mess it up. Do you know why? Because even though this person does everything right, you won't trust them. You won't believe they're genuine, and you'll sabotage things.

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Here's the truth about why you can't find love:

1. It starts so great

Imagine the following scenario.

You meet a guy in aisle 4 at Whole Foods, and you both reach for the same bottle of Spanish olive oil at the same time. He looks at you, and you both smile. He's got one of those grins that melt your heart. He lets go of the bottle and says, "It's all yours. There's no way I'm fighting you for that bottle."

Then he asks your name. You tell him, and you talk for a while. He asks you if you're a Spanish olive oil freak or something. He finds out you spent some time in Spain, and you chat about European trips. It's a great little conversation. It's one of those serendipitous moments you've been dreaming of for so long.

2. Failure to embrace the moment.

If you don't check yourself, you're going to screw it up! Do you want to know why? Because you find exactly what you want and talk yourself out of a relationship because you don't trust them. You believe something must go wrong, so you avoid the connection altogether.

Back to the scene. The handsome stranger texts you later that night. He makes you smile, and flirting has started. Then he says, "It was great meeting you. I'd love to hang out." You’re so excited and still on a high from that beautiful connection between two souls looking for love. You tell him that you enjoyed meeting him, too.

The next day, he texts you around the same time he met you the day before — because he's a man who pays attention to detail. He asks, "How's my olive oil girl doing today? How's lunch treating you?"

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3. Fear takes over

You have shared an inside joke. You feel great. You've done everything right. Later, he calls you on the phone. You're scared, so you don't pick up. He leaves you a cute voicemail message: "Hey you. It was great meeting you the other day. Now we're going to do this thing. Man calls women. You listen to the voicemail message and giggle. I'm an old-fashioned guy and believe a phone call is the way to start things. So, do me a favor: let's keep this thing going and give me a call back... let's talk."

He leaves his phone number. You don't call back. You complain for they never call, and here he is, calling. He's doing everything right, but the devastating truth is you don't trust him. You don't trust the situation.

4. A lack of trust incapacitates

The next day, undeterred by your silence, he texts you. He asks if you've escaped from the office for lunch. He wants to take you to get a decent lunch to keep you going through the day.

You're feeling giddy, but here comes another devastating truth. You tell him you can't. The boss is on your back, and next week is better. If you're going to screw this up, you're going to finish it off pretty much right now. He sends you another text saying next week is great. He's available most of the week except Tuesday night. "I'd like to get to know you," he says.

5. Believing it is too good to be true

You've found an evolved man. A man who speaks with conviction. A man who's not afraid to say what he feels. It sounds incredible, doesn't it? It sounds real. The bad news is you've trained your brain not to trust. You've trained your brain not to believe something that seems too good to be true.

He's coming on too strong. He's being too authentic; too real. So you get "busy", and you don't text him back. Do you know what happens then? The guy looks at you as very uninvolved. He's involved and doesn't want to play games. He's met other women, but he finds you fascinating. He wants to get to know you, but he's beginning to have second thoughts.

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6. You'd love to get to know them but are too afraid.

You'd rather not commit to something because you're scared of being hurt. You'd rather miss out on a shot at love all to avoid the risk of disappointment. So you don't text him back, and instead, you have the same boring weekend you always do, going from bar to bar with friends.

While having a glass of wine and talking about dating, you mention this amazing guy to your friends. You tell them how you met in Whole Foods and how amazing he is. Your friends tell you you're foolish for not texting him back. You left it, and now it's been 48 hours.

The devastating truth is, if you text him now, he'll probably still be interested in you, but you won't. You worry he won't still want to see you. Evolved men like this don't feel a spark often, and you're scared you've blown it. He thought there was something different about you. He felt you were unique and sexy. The beautiful, serendipitous moment you had that could have led to the relationship you've always dreamed of was wasted.

An evolved man doesn't want to play games. A confident man won't wait for a woman who doesn’t answer his calls and texts. Treat this man with the same respect and care he treats you, and you can have a happier ending.

woman looks at her phone

Photo via Getty

7. Don’t play games — trust yourself

Go for what you want. You have to take chances in life, especially when you feel a strong connection with someone. I hope you learned from this, and the next time a moment like this happens, you move forward fearlessly with an open heart and an open mind.

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David Wygant is a dating coach who spent the past 20 years helping men and women transform their love lives. As a lead writer for Ask Men and Huffington Post, his advice has been offered across television, newspapers, and magazines, including MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, E! Entertainment Television, and more.