9 Hard Truths About Why Men Marry When They're Not In Love, According To Psychology
Marriage isn't always a fairytale.
Pavel Danilyuk | Pexels Just when you think the world is full of love and sunshine and rainbows, yet another study comes along and smacks you in the face to prove otherwise. Turns out that a lot of men don't enter into commitments like marriage out of a genuine bond toward a woman — they seem to do it just because.
Let's explore, shall we? A 2022 Match Singles in America study found that one in four men would commit to a woman they’re not even attracted to. The hard (and kind of depressing) truth? Many guys are more interested in companionship than connection, and what they’re really looking for is someone who makes life easier, not necessarily someone who makes their heart race. So forget about that scene in Jerry Maguire and accept that you may never hear those words, "You complete me." You're more likely to hear, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Here are 9 hard truths about why men marry when they're not in love, according to psychology:
1. They want someone to cook for them every night
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A hot dinner on the table still holds power, apparently. You may think the woman making dinner for her man is something out of the 1950s, but it's still very much a thing. As outdated as it sounds, a surprising number of men still expect that kind of care, and for some, the idea of someone cooking for them every night is enough to seal the deal.
I know way more women than men who rush home to make dinner for their sweetie every day. Men like to be fed.
2. They want help with the laundry (and everything else)
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No joke — some men are out here marrying women because they don't know how to do their own laundry. Some men will never learn that you can't put red socks in with white pants. If a woman does your laundry, you're spending less money on white shirts.
While research hasn't explicitly focused on men marrying solely to avoid laundry, studies consistently show women still carry most of the domestic load, and for a lot of guys, having someone take that off their plate feels like love... even when it's not.
3. They crave comfort, not chemistry
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Being alone is uncomfortable. There is something very comfortable about coming home to someone at the end of a long day.
Coming home to someone — even if the spark’s long gone or never there — feels safer than flying solo. That kind of emotional security can look a lot like love from the outside.
4. They feel pressured because everyone else is doing it
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As we mentioned, peer pressure goes a long way with men. No one wants to be the last man standing at the bar at 3 a.m. because all his buddies went home a long time ago with their wives or girlfriends.
Some men may feel pressured to get married, believing it's necessary for happiness or societal acceptance, particularly if their friends or peers are also getting married. Research concluded that this pressure can lead to a feeling of obligation rather than genuine desire.
5. They feel guilty
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Some men propose out of obligation, not devotion.
I once had a guy friend admit, after proposing to his girlfriend, that he wasn't in love with her anymore, but she had "done her time" and stayed with him. Maybe she stuck by him for years, or maybe he just doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Either way, it's not love — it's guilt.
Sounds really romantic, right?
6. They're scared to be alone
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Most people fear not only aging but also dying alone. Men are no exception to this; in fact, men fear it more than women. I've learned this one from my dad.
Research suggests that some men may marry out of fear, stemming from anxieties about commitment, loss of identity, or financial instability. These fears can take many forms, and for many men, they are deeply rooted — such as the fear of being controlled, fear of failure, or fear of the unknown.
7. They settle because it's easier
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Trying to find "the one" is exhausting. For some guys, it's simpler to stay in a relationship that’s just okay than to risk starting over.
Sometimes it's just easier to go with what you know than try something different. This goes for both relationships and ice cream flavors.
8. They think it's just what adults are supposed to do
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Marriage can feel like a life milestone that men are expected to hit, similar to getting a job or buying a house. Society has taught us that the next step in a relationship is marriage, then babies.
If you opt for a lifestyle that differs from this, then people start wondering what's wrong with you. Sometimes it's better to just succumb to society's standards.
9. They give in to an ultimatum
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Sometimes it's easier to say "okay" than put up a fight. But ladies, please don't give him ultimatums about commitment. Ever. You're just asking for a world of hurt later.
Ultimatums, including those related to marriage, can be problematic and may not lead to healthy, lasting relationships. Research indicates that while ultimatums might seem like a way to achieve desired outcomes or clarity, they often stem from a place of powerlessness or desperation and can create resentment and erode trust.
Why do you think men commit? Are the reasons as bleak as this study makes them sound?
Amanda Chatel has been a wellness and relationship journalist for over a decade. Her work has been featured in Glamour, Shape, Self, and other outlets.
