3 Habits People In Happy Marriages Fit Into Their Day That Most People Skip
Jonathan Borba | Unsplash Feeling overly busy and constantly stressed is an everyday experience for so many of us. There's a very real social problem of higher stress for families today with both parents working. Couples feel starved for time with children, spouse, and leisure. As a result, quality of life can suffer.
Couples trapped in the stress crunch need effective solutions to handle it right now, since it’s only growing worse. Here are practical suggestions for how couples can manage stress better, while also improving the quality of their marriage. Both are closely related.
Here are 3 habits people in happy marriages fit into their day that most people skip:
1. They know when to say no
We’re all trying to do too much and are spread out to the max. Both parents working full-time creates an extremely difficult lifestyle. Even when one parent stays at home, it’s still exceedingly stressful since taking care of kids anda household full-time is an underrated job, giving little recognition or reward.
The stress list goes on and on — it’s almost endless! What's the solution? Put the brakes on it. Recognize that you're setting yourself up for failure when you're chronically overextended. Realize and accept that you just can't do it all.
One thing is clear: Moms are carrying too much, with too little recognition and support. Research on the "mental load" shows that mothers, regardless of employment status, take on the majority of invisible labor at home, and unlike traditional jobs, there are no breaks, no promotions, and no clear end of the day.
The first thing to do is prioritize. What’s most important? Make a better quality of life at the top of the list, together with spending time with family. Cut out any activities not absolutely critical; use your time wisely. Better to delay cleaning the house — don’t be a perfectionist — do it faster and less perfectly for more time with loved ones.
Outsource as many household responsibilities as possible. This is an option so many fail to use, yet so hugely important. Challenge the stress machine—make a conscious decision to protect the quality of life and family time. Don’t buy the bigger house, new car, or spend money on things not necessary. Instead, pay for conveniences to make your life easier: lawn care, gardening, snow removal, laundry, meal preparation, etc.
2. They keep their tank refueled
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Use the science of proven stress management practices. Rushing through the day, always feeling tense, and never taking a moment to breathe, eventually results in a continuous state of anxiety. Instead, try these beginner stress control practices:
- Take breaks periodically during the day. Stop what you're doing; take a short breather, if even just for a few minutes.
- Don’t stay sitting all day. Stand up at your desk at work and stretch, walk to the water cooler, or go outside for a short walk. Move the body — science now shows a variety of medical problems stem from sitting.
- Follow principles of effective personal organization and time management.
- Make sure you do things that give pleasure and enjoyment during your busy week to rejuvenate yourself.
Take time at the end of each workday to just decompress. For instance, after coming home from work, take 5-to-10 minutes to change into comfortable clothes and just be alone for a few minutes. Or it might be later, going for a walk, taking a warm shower/bath, etc.
Studies have found that breaks can reduce or prevent stress, help to maintain performance throughout the day, and reduce the need for a long recovery at the end of the day. Even short relaxing breaks help return your mental and physical systems to baseline, reset your mood, and promote positive wellbeing.
The best way to decompress may vary greatly between different people. If it's not possible to take that time early in the evening, then do so later. Be creative to make it happen. Spouses can take over for each other with the kids, giving one another equal opportunity to take time.
3. They actually try to understand each other
Because both external stress and internal marital stress are so interconnected, learning how to build and support a really loving, lasting relationship is imperative. Persistent conflict, underlying tension, and problems in marriage can escalate stress and vice versa. Both feed off of one another.
Basically, stress from work, family, money, life in general tends to spill into relationships, and how each partner reacts to it can make conflict way more likely, research has found. Understanding the impact of stress on close relationships is key, as relationship quality is one of the best predictors of life satisfaction, so investing in your partnership isn't just romantic, it's protective.
So the question is, how do you live with someone every day for so many years and keep the flame alive, especially with such a harried pace of life? You must commit to working together to stop negative patterns in your relationship and love selflessly, ultimately reducing conflict within your marriage. Using a non-aggressive tone of voice when talking through your issues and expressing empathy will help you sort calmly through your vulnerable feelings and intimate issues.
Lastly, apologize without giving excuses, and commit to trying your best not engage in that behavior anymore. Using these steps to reduce stress and communicate more effectively will help you maintain a great marriage and possibly save your struggling relationship.
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