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The most deeply connected couples do things differently than those that drift apart.
By I Heart Intelligence
Last updated on Oct 25, 2023
We’ve all seen — and many of us have been involved in — relationships that just seem somehow right. The pair are so well-connected they seem to have a secret language of their own, or a way to read each others’ minds somehow.
Some habits might even be generalized amongst what makes truly connected couples tick.
We’ve checked on these deeply connected, happy couples and found 5 habits among them that differentiate them from unhealthy couples.
5 Habits of Deeply Connected Couples
1. Frequent positive interactions.
Couples who are deeply connected have interactions that boost each other up and that they feel better about walking away from, even if it is just a “good morning” or, particularly, even when they fight. They seem to both know that the cultivation of a good relationship lies in positive communication between the pair.
A friend of mine was married for eight years, with a 3-year-old toddler, when he mentioned to me that he and his wife don’t ever bring negative things into the house. “Leave that stuff at the door,” he said, “I greet my wife every day with nothing but smiles and sunshine because that’s what she deserves.”
While perhaps this type of thinking isn’t for everyone, bringing more positivity into your relationship can only be of benefit.
2. Intersubjectivity on a philosophical level.
Intersubjectivity is defined as "The process and product of sharing experiences, knowledge, understandings, and expectations with others." When a relationship is built upon a mutually agreeable philosophy and a willingness to share perspectives and ideas, the partnership can be considered deeply connected.
3. Continuously learning about each other, themselves, and their partner.
Doing this can be helped along by asking questions of yourself and your partner to help you better understand and orient them in terms of yourself, themselves and the partnership. Also, aren’t you still pretty curious about this person? If not, why would you be in a relationship with them?
Here are a few of the kind of questions that might spark some great conversation: Why do you believe what you believe? How can I be a better partner with you? How old were you when you first experienced a significant death, like a pet or a close relative? What would you be doing in your life right now if we’d never met?
4. Inside jokes and pet names.
Sharing intimate information with each other and creating jokes and names for each other signals a deeply connected couple.
5. Reinforcement of their commitment to one another.
Betrayal is not a word that has any meaning or value in a deeply connected relationship. A truly committed relationship involves trust at all levels and protection of each other’s needs and boundaries.
Do you see any of these habits in your relationship? Can you perhaps tell if any are missing? The best thing about a deeply connected partnership is that you can always work on it and its bettering.
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Dondi Leigh is a writer from Colorado who focuses on relationships, wellness and psychology.