Doing This For Just 10 Minutes A Day Can Make Your Relationship Stronger Than Ever Before
It's a short amount of time, but it can make a big difference.
Edward Cisneros | Unsplash It's an easy rut to fall into. Waking up, going to work, coming home, then going to bed without spending any real time catching up with your partner. You may not even realize it's happening until you start feeling like you're drifting apart.
Many couples make the mistake of not making the effort during the week to check in with each other. They may chat about surface-level topics, but fail to take the time to discuss each other's well-being. However, there is one strategy to help this that you can incorporate into your relationship starting today.
10 minutes of uninterrupted time to talk and check in can help you connect and strengthen your relationship.
The 10-minute rule, as coined by Dr. Terri Orbuch, is simply regularly giving your partner 10 minutes of your undivided attention. It could just be recounting the events of the day, or sharing what's been on your mind lately.
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Licensed marriage and family therapist Chloe Lankshear told Bustle, "The 10-minute rule is a great way to start trying to connect more with a partner you feel distant from. It's not too onerous — and most people can find 10 minutes in a day if they are being honest with themselves."
Lankshear also stressed that it's important to remember that the 10-minute rule isn't a normal back-and-forth conversation. It's a chance to listen and be heard, so let your partner speak before you react or respond.
Why does the "10-minute rule" work?
The 10-minute rule provides an opportunity to share your thoughts and feelings, while also gaining insight into what your partner is thinking and feeling. It creates a sense of emotional closeness, allowing you to understand what your partner is going through and communicate more easily.
This small habit can also create a safe space for your partner to bring up more difficult topics, ones they might not feel comfortable discussing with other friends or family. They'll know they can rely on you to be a listening and comforting ear, and that you won't judge them.
Another licensed marriage and family therapist, Ligia Orellana, also explained to Bustle, "In the hustle and bustle of work, family, kids, and pets, we tend to put our emotional closeness with partners off to the side. Putting time aside for each other allows couples to bring up the intimacy that was there when they were first starting to date."
The '10-minute rule' can be easily incorporated into your weekly or daily routine.
There's no specific time frame in which this needs to be done. It could be scheduled at a set time every day, or just occasionally as needed. Even someone with the busiest schedule can find 10 minutes to carve out and dedicate to their partner.
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However, it's important to find a time when you and your partner are relaxed, so you don't feel stressed or rushed. Do it over morning coffee, a date night dinner, or even sitting in bed together. Dr. Orbuch said, "Talk to your partner about anything other than work, family, the household, or the relationship. Ask her what her favorite movie is, and why. Ask him to recall a happy memory from childhood. Ask her what she'd like to be remembered for. Ask him to name the three worst songs of all time. Do it at dinner, before bed, anytime — as long as you do it for 10 minutes every day. This simple change infuses relationships with new life."
While it works as an everyday habit, the 10-minute rule can be effective after arguments, too. If you're still feeling upset, it may help to sit down and discuss things more calmly and logically after a few hours.
Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor's degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.
