Did You Settle For Your Spouse? 6 Ways To Immediately Find Out

Are they "the one" or just the one who happened to show up?

couple embracing Daniel Hoz / Shutterstock

In my practice as a relationship coach, I have advised many couples to break up. That's right, you read it correctly: break up. That's because way too often, I find people settling for someone just because that person is there.

The reasons people might settle are numerous: Some settle as a matter of habit. Others because of convenience — he could be geographically desirable or work in the same building or make the right amount of money, etc. Still others settle because they don't think they can do better, and they are afraid to miss the last chance they were given.


Sadly, many clients who come to me with relationship issues, do not even realize they are settling.

Many think that the problems are easily fixed. If only she changed her lipstick color or started reading the Washington Post instead of the National Inquirer. In subtle ways, these people try to change their partners. But that slight change is just not enough to fulfill the emptiness you feel when you are spending your life with someone with whom you are not in love.

RELATED: 5 Signs You're Not Really In Love — You're Settling For A Bad Relationship

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Here are six questions to ask yourself if you think you might have settled for your spouse:

1. Are you always proud to show off your partner to your friends and family?

Do you get excited just thinking about the great impression he will make on everyone?

2. Do you have the need to talk/see/text her all the time?

Do you think of your partner when he or she is not around?

3. Do you get butterflies when you reunite after a long absence? 

Do you check his flight status to see if it landed on time? 

RELATED: Why You Need To Stop Being OK With Settling

4. Do you find satisfaction in knowing that men will turn heads when your girlfriend walks by?

Do you consider yourself lucky to be her partner?


5. Do you enjoy being alone with your partner?

Can you see yourself going out night after night and still find something to talk about?

6. Do you look forward to making love?

If sex is something you do because it is expected instead of losing yourself in the other person, you are cheating yourself!

If you answered "no" to one or more of the questions above, you may be settling. Breaking up a relationship is never easy. But it is even more difficult to spend a lifetime with a person who is not "The One." 

In the words of the late Apple co-founder Steve Jobs, "Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.”


RELATED: If You Do These 15 Things, You'll Never Settle For Less Than You Deserve

Marina Margulis is a writer and matchmaker who believes dating should be easy and natural.