Dating Coach Says 3 Tiny Factors Are Needed To Fall Madly In Love

It is not how long it takes; it’s who we become in the process.

Couple falling in love Dean Drobot | Canva

If you’ve been dating someone new and you're in those first exciting stages of a relationship, after a while it's common to wonder how and when you'll know if they're the one and you're both falling in love.

Dating apps have made it easier to meet people, but they don't necessarily make it easier to tell when you are meant for each other. And when you finally meet someone you're confident you like, that's often the most anxious love stage. How can you tell if this is going to last or not?


Here are the 3 tiny factors you need to fall madly in love:

1. Chemistry

If you’ve ever been under the overwhelming effect of chemistry then you know already how long it takes to fall in love. Chemistry is almost instantaneous. It’s a feeling you can’t deny.

The problem with chemistry is it’s not foolproof. How many times have you had chemistry with someone and they broke your heart? Chemistry can give you the sensation of falling in love, but it is far different than being in love. For love, we will need more information.

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2. Compatibility

The rarefied air you breathe when you finally meet someone you have chemistry with is intoxicating. It can lead you to believe the hard work of boring dates is over. And to a certain degree, it is, but now the real work begins because you have to find out if you’re compatible.

Compatibility means your lives fit together. Do you both want to live in a similar location? Do you both have similar relationship goals? For example, do you both want marriage and children?

The reason compatibility is so important is that falling in love is a feeling. Being in love is a decision. To this point, compatibility always overrides chemistry. If you have chemistry with someone who lives in Peru, unless you’re planning to move to Peru, the compatibility aspect of your relationship will be its demise.

Falling in love is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make, which brings us to number three.


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3. Communication

Falling in love could lead you to believe harsh words will never be spoken. If the chemistry is strong enough you don’t have to say anything. And yet as much as we enjoy falling in love at the end of the day we want to be heard, and we want to be known. This requires communication. Communication is the ability to ask for what you want and say no to what you don’t want. People who know how to love know how to communicate. They don’t expect to get their way every time and are willing to negotiate with you.

They communicated and fell in love CarlosDavid via Shutterstock


The harder truth about love is it takes time. It takes time for someone to build a trustworthy record with you. It takes a year to truly get to know someone. But, that does not mean the journey isn’t worth it is the most rewarding thing there is.

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Without chemistry we will never make it, it is that special gift that sparks something in us that makes us want to explore love. Compatibility gives us a chance to explore this chemistry. Falling in love is a feeling, being in love is a decision. Communication is a conversation that doesn’t end. It means we keep coming back to the table even on the bad days. Relationships aren't built on the good days, they are built on the bad days.

To a certain extent, how long it takes to fall in love is a moment-to-moment decision based on chemistry, compatibility, and communication. It is a measure of our integrity and how committed we are to the journey, regardless of the turns it takes.


It is not how long it takes to fall in love that matters, it’s who we become in the process.

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James Allen Hanrahan is a dating and relationship coach for women based in Los Angeles. He's also the author of "A Life of Love" and "Dating Advice for Alpha Women."