Heartbreak

7 Dangerous Lies People Tell Themselves To Justify Staying In Toxic Relationships

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Woman seems happy in embrace with boyfriend

How can a relationship that feels so good become your worst nightmare?

If you’ve ever felt blindsided by love, you can get a rude awakening when you realize that the person you thought you loved was not that person after all.

When you can’t accept the truth, you can tell yourself dangerous lies to excuse staying in a relationship that's bad for you. When the truth hurts, you don’t always want to accept it. 

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Sometimes, it’s easier to sweep things under the carpet than to clean up the mess when it keeps piling up.

Maybe you’re holding on to unrequited love or a one-sided relationship.

Perhaps, it’s difficult when your partner keeps cheating on you, lying to you, or hurting you, and they refuse to take responsibility for their actions.

Regardless, you deserve better. You deserve to be happy and to feel safe. 

Here are 7 dangerous lies people tell themselves when they stay in toxic relationships.

1. "Maybe he'll change."

You keep telling yourself that they can change, so you hold onto hope. No one can change if they don’t want to or don’t think they have a problem.

Perhaps, they keep telling themselves they’ll change but don’t get help or don’t take ownership of their behavior.

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2. "They have so much potential."

You keep wanting to see the good in them, despite their behavior. In reality, you can only accept the person that they are.

3. "If I wait long enough, I'll get you to fall in love with me."

If a person doesn't want to commit, telling yourself that you can get them to fall in love with you will only lead to heartbreak if they’re not investing in a relationship with you. 

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4. "I know he wants me even though he won't admit it."

You can fall in love with how someone makes you feel, confusing these feelings with love, when a guy wants only one thing from you.

If he’s not calling you his girlfriend and introducing you to friends and/or family, you’re just an option and not a choice.

5. "He's my dream man!"

You can tell yourself this is "the one" when you make them out to be everything you’re looking for in a relationship.

You can fall in love with the person you want them to be, placing all your hopes of unmet love onto them, and when they don’t meet your expectations, you get disappointed in them.

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6. "I'm scared I'll lose him if I don't give him what he wants."

You can convince yourself you have heated chemistry when someone charms you off your feet and lures you into a relationship even though they’re ignoring your boundaries and forcing a relationship onto you.

7. "It's all my fault."

You take all the blame for things that are not your fault while you tell yourself doing so will keep the peace. Over time you might just end up believing everything is really all your fault when your self-esteem has been chipped away.

You can take on board the beliefs of someone who is abusing you, losing your own sense of self or sense of reality in the process.

You end up questioning yourself and not the abuser when you’ve been gaslighted and end up doubting your sense of reality.

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When you distort your reality, it's difficult to let go of an unhealthy relationship and move on.

You can end up denying there are problems in your relationship when you don’t want to let go of the person you want.

Every time you take them back, they keep going back to the same behaviors that previously hurt you. It's hard to admit to yourself that the relationship will go nowhere, even when you’re struggling to let go of them. 

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Maybe they don’t know how to change or don’t want to change. But you keep putting up with their behavior because you don’t want to let go of the love you feel you once had with them.

Ruminating over them will only keep you holding onto them and will prolong the agony of letting go of them. You can fool yourself into thinking it’s love instead of something toxic.

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This is how you convince yourself to accept behaviors that don't serve you well.

You can protect yourself by denying the truth when you don't want to let go of a trauma bond or unrequited love.

Your mind can play tricks on you to keep you holding onto a relationship that's toxic for you — because you don’t want to let go of the love you desire.

Sometimes, it's hard to face the pain of letting go of the love you want, so you protect yourself by finding ways to excuse the behavior of the person who is hurting you.

You can tell yourself it's love to avoid losing the person who is hurting you. All this occurs when you deny the reality and trick yourself into feeling loved when you’re stuck in a trauma bond or one-sided relationship.

This way you can avoid letting go of someone who is toxic for you by telling yourself it’s not that bad.

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Nancy Carbone has a M.Soc.Sc (Couns) who is an author and relationship therapist who helps to release relationship blocks.

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