Couples Who Almost Never Fight Usually Say 5 Phrases In Casual Conversation, Says Therapist
deep singh | Pexels In a relationship, we want our partner to feel loved, heard, and supported. But when emotions go haywire, it becomes increasingly hard to see reality amid the chaos.
Emotions can make or break your relationship depending on how you validate them. So, what are the best, most effective ways to help your partner feel heard and supported without hurting your relationship? Therapist Kristina Virro shares the five phrases couples who rarely fight often say to de-escalate things fast.
Couples who rarely fight usually say these things casually:
1. 'Go ahead and explain'
When you're talking with your partner, it's best to give each other the floor. Allow each other to express how and why you feel the way you do without interruption. But as Virro explains, "This is way easier said than done sometimes." So, if you find yourself struggling, be sure to speak up about those struggles. Suggest a twenty-minute break and take the time to process your emotions before allowing them to get the better of you.
2. 'Tell me more about that'
Be sure to ask clarifying questions while talking with your partner. "This might look like saying, 'Oh, so when that happened, what was it that you felt during that moment," says Virro. And it might look like saying, "What did I say that upset you? Was it my words or my tone?"
A study on couples who do a great job problem-solving supports the idea that understanding where your partner is coming from makes it a lot easier to find solutions and move forward together as a team.
3. 'It makes sense you feel this way'
Just Life / Shutterstock
Your partner is having a tough day at work, and they rant to you about their coworkers while you listen in silence. But instead of validating their emotions and staying silent, you insert yourself into the conversation.
Unconsciously, you make their problems about your problems, causing your partner to feel unheard and frustrated, which is why you need to use validating statements instead. Virro says, "Validating statements aren't about agreeing with your partner, but they're about communicating that it makes sense to me why you feel that way."
4. 'It sounds like you're feeling...'
"Try to name the emotion that the person is feeling," says Virro. Say, "I understand that you're probably feeling frustrated and upset right now." This is important because naming the emotion will allow your partner to either agree or clarify what they're feeling. It allows them to say, "Actually, I feel disappointed and unheard."
5. 'I want to make sure my tone matches my intention'
People are sensitive to tones, especially the tones of people we love and care about most in this world. You see, the reality is, we don't want to feel like you don't care or are upset with us. We don't want to feel like you're being passive-aggressive with us, because it'll instantly put us in defensive mode.
So, when talking to your partner, try to keep your tone calm and curious. Virro ends with, "How you say something is just as important as what you're saying."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and trending topics.
