The Epic Battle That Must Be Fought & Won Before You Can Manifest Your One True Love
You make yourself worthy of the love that you deserve.
PeopleImages.com by Yuri A via Shutterstock Finding true love is all about the battle to heal your past. For some, that means learning how to give yourself what parents or caregivers should have given you as a child. If you don't, you're likely to repeat the same cycles again and again and that can prevent you from finding the true love you deserve.
When we repeat the same failed relationships, it often indicates we have only partly healed past emotional wounds. No matter how great you are at manifesting what you want, here is more work to be done before we can call in true love.
Here's the epic battle that must be fought & won before you can manifest your one true love:
1. Get unstuck from the past
Katherine Woodward Thomas, the bestselling author of Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After and Calling in 'The One' joined Getting Open with Andrea Miller to explain it all. Manifesting your one true love is about how you heal your attachment style and energetically invite in the person who can live life by your side.
"Looking over your romantic history, you can see the negative patterns that have been repeating for years. You may even understand where they come from. Yet despite all that you’ve done to try to outgrow them, they tenaciously reappear time and time again," says Thomas.
- We need to understand why we are the way we are. Yes!
- We need to face the losses of the past that were never validated. Yes!
- We need to learn to be tender with ourselves. Yes!
- We need to recognize the way we speak to ourselves in the toxic ways we were spoken to. Yes!
A large part of the healing journey is acknowledging the influence of the past and accepting the effect it had on who you are today.
All this will save your life for sure, but unfortunately, it won't change your life.
Thomas, who is also hosting the Loving From The 'True You' workshop, explains, "Even when you think you’ve found it — that you’ve cracked the code — love slips through your fingers like water. To you, the whole thing feels like a cruel joke—an enigma you can’t figure out, no matter how much you try."
2. Claim a positive, possible future
Stop analyzing why you are the way you are and explaining it to yourself and others. We solidify the self within the story we tell ourselves and others. What we focus on grows.
Focusing on the abandoned, abused past deserves our attention and is critical to healing, but at some point, we have to inquire who we need to be. We have to stop focusing on who we were that made who we are, once we have the knowledge. To continue that narrative is to let the wounded child continue to be in control.
3. Set an intentional identity
Achieving happiness, love, and be a source of safety for oneself and others is a developmental journey. Sometimes, this journey gets interrupted in childhood, so as adults, we have to figure it out for ourselves.
The past wounds disrupted the organic engagements of development at a young age. After those elements are acknowledged and accepted, we need to take care that they don't solidify into habit, since the relationship with the self determines if a nurturing relationship with another is possible.
Changing the self-identity is changing who controls how you move through life. It seems daunting, but letting go of the child wound can be as easy as asking, "How old are you now?" But ask in the third person.
Often, that question asked in the third person of ourselves can change our perspective. It makes us realize how we have moved through life with our wounded child in control. We tell ourselves we were abandoned, so we are a lonely person." But this is the voice of the wounded child in the past.
"I am in control of a future of my design because I am worthy of happiness and a sense of belonging" is the self-identity of the adult taking control!
4. Advance self-care to self-love
Self-care is great, especially as we go through a collectively difficult period, but self-care still is not self-love.
You can practice all the self-care, and still show up as the past wound. The child-self is in control of your life and your quest for love. You are showing up stressed, anxious, and disconnected. You are missing self-love due to an attachment to identifying with the past wound.
The most important transformation you can make is changing your identity, changing who is in control of your life. When you change your self-identity, you enter the realm of self-love by recognizing when you over-identify with the younger wounded self and letting go of that identity.
Self-love is ending the narrative that you are not good enough or inferior. You must do this in order to fully embrace an identity from your adult-centered self. The self who identifies as good enough and deserves comfort and ease. Self-love is when you can speak to yourself as the intentional identity of the adult who knows where they came from but has shifted their focus to where they are going.
As Thomas says, "Have an embodied experience of awakening to the new you — the 'true you' – and fall deeply in love with yourself as the rock-solid foundation for loving others from now on."
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
