10 Bad Habits Of Women Who Are 'Always The Bridesmaid And Never The Bride'
No one wants to wear a bridesmaid's dress any more then they have to.
Masson, Emma Bauso, freestocks.org, Jacob Lund | Canva Women who were raised on fairy tales and Disney princesses have been thinking about their wedding for most of their lives. The idea of wearing a big white dress in front of friends and family, being told they will be loved forever, and dancing the night away in the arms of their soul mate is something many brides-to-be cherish and anticipate eagerly.
Unfortunately, for many women, a wedding day seems elusive. It seems like, more often than not, they end up wearing an unflattering pink dress while standing next to the bride's vision beauty in white.
“Why is that? When is it going to be my turn?” ask these women whom their mothers and grandmothers may call "always the bridesmaid and never the bride".
Over the years, I have a seen a pattern of bad habits from women who are never the bride. These habits might sabotage their hopes of finding a happily ever after.
Bad habits of women who are 'always the bridesmaid and never the bride'.
1. Self-sabotage
Some women are experts at self-sabotage. They can, without any awareness, drive a relationship off the rails, often for no reason whatsoever.
Why do women self-sabotage and kill a relationship before it starts? Because they are scared.
They are scared it won’t work out. They are scared they will get hurt. They are scared it might work out and wonder if they will be a good long-term partner. They are scared their life will have to change. They are scared of what people might think.
How do women self-sabotage? By being needy. By being demanding. By being nit-picky. By being overly critical. By flirting or even cheating. By not being interested in compromising. By taking everything personally. And so much more.
Again, most people who self-sabotage aren’t aware they are doing it. It is born from insecurity, usually from past relationships gone wrong.
Take a look at your behaviors in past relationships. Is there anything you might have done that led to its demise?
2. Not being themselves.
Image a woman who presents herself as a cool, mellow, undemanding person. Men fall in love with this kind of person pretty quickly.
Unfortunately, this is not who she really is.
She might actually be consumed with anxiety. She might need constant communication. She probably needs verbal affirmation and she definitely needs to feel needed by others.
Her boyfriends know nothing about this, so what happens because she can’t be herself? Her relationship ultimately implodes.
Sometimes her partner might realize she is not who she presents herself as and, so they leave. Sometimes she gets so anxious about things she blows it up at her partner. Often times, because she knows she isn’t herself in the relationship, she doesn’t trust her lover could be either and, without trust, the relationship dies a slow death.
I know we all want to present the best version of ourselves when we are in a new relationship but it’s important we be ourselves, to present as ourselves, so a potential partner can truly know us — and fall in love with our real selves, not a stranger.
3. Choosing the wrong person over and over.
Many people, through no fault of their own, choose the same type of person over and over. For some people, they are attracted to people who will treat them well but, for many, they are attracted to people who will only cause them heartbreak.
Many people tell me they have a ‘type’, a kind of person they are always attracted to. I always ask them how chasing the ‘type’ has worked out for them. Could it be why they are sitting here with me in counseling while lamenting they haven’t been able to find their ‘person.’ Usually the answer is "It has not worked out so well."
The first step in starting to choose a different sort of person is to recognize you always choose the wrong ones. Once you see this, you can start changing your approach.
The first step is to take stock of the traits of the wrong people you have chosen. We tend to get attracted to someone for their overall vibe, but if you are aware of the traits of the people who have hurt you, the minute you see evidence of those traits, you can run.
The second step, in many ways more important, is for you to do some work on yourself and help you attract the kind of person you want. It’s a general rule we attract someone who reflects us. If we aren’t in a good place, we attract someone else who isn’t in a good place. And vice versa.
Accepting how you tend to choose the wrong person and taking steps to change this tendency will help you get to the altar as the bride you long to be.
4. Being attracted to unavailable men.
This is a big one. Huge.
Many women who lament they are always the bridesmaid and never the bride are women who are involved in relationships with unavailable men, often times even in affairs with married men.
According to Rachel Pace on Marriage.com, women are attracted to unavailable men for a multitude of reasons.
Sometimes it’s because they don’t think they deserve better. Sometimes it’s because they like the chase and believe they can change someone. Sometimes it’s because they have been hurt in the past and by getting involved with an unavailable man they make themselves less vulnerable.
Whatever the reason, getting involved with an unavailable man is a sure-fire way for you to never get the long term, established relationship that you desire.
5. Staying in a toxic relationship too long.
For many people, they know they are in a bad relationship but they stay anyway. The reasons they do so are important to note.
They do so because they believe they can fix their person. They do so because they aren’t quitters and have already devoted so much time they don’t want to walk away. They do so because they don’t believe they deserve any better. They do so because they hope things can go back to the way they were in the beginning, when they were happy.
Unfortunately, staying in a toxic relationship will get you absolutely nowhere.
No one will change unless they want to. Things will never go back to the way they were in the beginning. Being the only one fighting for a relationship is a waste of time and NO ONE deserves to be in a relationship that makes them unhappy!
So, if you are in a toxic relationship, get out now! It’s the only way you will find the happiness that you seek.
6. Not taking care of themselves.
If someone feels terrible about themselves, they will only attract people who feel terrible as well.
For many people who feel terrible about themselves, they hope they will find someone who will make them feel whole, who will pull them out of the bad mental state in which they dwell.
But it just doesn’t work this way.
If you want to find the happily-ever-after you desire, it is essential you take care of yourself. You need to stay physically and mentally happy and create a life that satisfies you. You need to have healthy relationships with friends and family.
If you can take care of yourself and make yourself a healthy happy person, not someone who needs to find themselves through someone else, you will be way more likely to find the person you seek.
7. Holding on to past pain.
For so many women who are looking for a healthy relationship, they continue living in the past.
They are holding on to past hurts and projecting them onto potential partners. They have put up tall walls that are almost insurmountable. They sabotage what might be a healthy relationship to prevent themselves from getting hurt.
It is important we work through past hurts before we seek a new relationship. We must take the time to figure out what went wrong and recognize our role in it. If you can work through what happened, learn your lessons, and let the relationship go, you will be way more likely to find, and keep, a healthy relationship.
8. Prioritizing their phones.
I am sure you are intimately acquainted with your phone. I am guessing you are holding it right now to read this article. Perhaps you are even addicted to it and keep it next to you at all times.. Perhaps the idea of losing your phone fills you with an incredibly amount of anxiety.
This is a fact for many, many women in the world, women who are addicted to their phones and women who are unwittingly sabotaging their relationships because of it.
Women who are addicted to their phones are women who might not be able to give men the attention they desire. who wants a partner who is always on their phone instead of talking to you? Those relationship end quickly.
Who wants a partner in bed at night prioritizing their phone over cuddling and falling asleep together.
So, pay attention to your phone use and see if it interferes in your relationships. Relationships are about connection and if your connection is weak because of your phone, some changes are going to have to be made!
9. Using social media as a relationship tool.
Oh, how we relationship coaches wish social media had never been invented. Why? Because social media is one of the biggest impediments to a happy relationship.
How many times have you connected with someone online or in person, and then immediately checked out their social media profiles before you take one more step in getting to know them?
If you don’t like what you see, the quality of the content they generate, you might write them off. Even worse, if you see that he has too many women friends, he can get written of immediately.
Also, women use social media to spy on their partners. Constantly monitoring social media to see if your partner is online, then getting irritated If they are online and they don't reach out to you, is not a good way to build a trusting relationship. Neither is seeing they aren’t online and wondering if they are doing something nefarious.
Social media does not reflect a full person. No one in a healthy relationship monitors the whereabouts of their person all the time. Stalking someone online never does anyone any good.
So, if you use social media as a means to evaluate a relationship, know it will most likely only kill the connection in the end and leave you alone. Again.
10. Not putting themselves out there.
How can you find someone if you aren’t out there looking for them?
If you are sitting at home while waiting for your mister right to appear out of nowhere, you are not making an effort to do what you need to do to meet people. You'll will never find your groom to stand beside this way.
Much like anything you want in the world – a job, a car, a trip to Paris – you need to take the steps necessary to get it. Sitting around, waiting for someone to hand you what you want is a waste of time.
I would encourage you to put yourself out there. Make an online dating profile. Do the things you enjoy doing in an effort to meet people. Try tantric speed dating.
Whatever it is you need to do to start meeting people. I always say we need to kiss a few frogs before we find our prince. You can’t find frogs to kiss on your couch. At least, I hope not!
I am guessing if you are reading this article and still single, many of these habits will ring true for you. If you want to find your person, take the steps you need to take to change things up.
If you do, if you make some change and open your energy in a positive way, you are way more likely to be the person wearing the white dress sometime in the near future.
You can do it!
Mitzi Bockmann is a New York City-based Certified Life Coach who believes everybody has the right to be happy.