The Art Of Reading People: 7 Questions To Spot A Man's True Character Beneath The Surface

Trust is one of the most valuable emotions we have. While you don't want to be wholly guarded all the time, placing your trust in someone too soon makes it easy to get hurt. For some people, though, it's biologically impossible to distrust others.s.

When we date someone new, how do we gauge their trustworthiness? How do we even know that our "trust radar" is functioning properly? Unfortunately, we often come to question a partner's trustworthiness after a relationship where trust was broken. Thankfully, there are ways to prevent that from happening again — without becoming totally neurotic.

Here are 7 questions to spot a man's true character beneath the surface:

1. 'How long have I known this person?'

woman asking the question how long have i known this person to spot man's true character PeopleImages / Shutterstock

If you're having trouble trusting the guy you've known for five years, but only recently have started to date, ask yourself why. Conversely, if you don't fully trust the guy you really like, but met only a month ago, you probably have a healthy balance of openness and discernment.

Research indicates that trust develops through three stages, beginning with predictability, then evolving into dependability, and ultimately reaching full trust when faith takes hold. That process doesn't happen overnight. It's important to remember that if you're feeling uneasy about someone you just met, that's not necessarily a red flag about them. It might just be your brain doing exactly what it's supposed to do.

2. 'How do I know this person?'

$woman asking the question how do i known\ this person to spot man's true character$ Mladen Mitrinovic / Shutterstock

Someone you met through a friend may be more trustworthy than a stranger you met at a club two weekends prior. "Single people should meet through friends because there's a familiarity and comfort that goes with that," says Dr. Christie Hartman, a behavioral scientist and dating expert. "You're already a step ahead because you know someone in common."

3. 'Do I know this person's relationship track record?'

woman asking the question do i know this person's track record to spot man's true character Perfect Wave / Shutterstock

What kind of women does he typically date? Why and how did his last relationship end? His past relationships can tell you a lot about his future ones. A University of Denver study that tracked adults through multiple relationships found that someone is three times more likely to cheat if they have cheated in the past. As psychologist Dr. Kayla Knopp, who led the research, explained, "The past matters for relationships. What we do at every step along the way in our romantic histories ends up influencing what comes next."

4. 'How much does he open up during conversations?'

woman asking the question how much does he open up to spot man's true character Prostock-studio / Shutterstock

Sure, there are guys out there who love talking about themselves, but a guy who refuses to talk about his life or his feelings reveals something he's compelled to hide — be it a secret wife and family, or more likely, a shy personality or his own dose of trust issues.

Research indicates that men are often taught to prioritize strength and self-reliance, which can lead to difficulties in expressing emotions and vulnerabilities. The key is noticing whether he's willing to go deeper over time or if he keeps deflecting every attempt to get to know the real him.

5. 'How does he conduct himself online?'

woman asking the question how does he conduct himself online to spot man's true character Prostock-studio / Shutterstock

Is his online persona in line with his offline persona? Social media is basically a window into how someone behaves when they think no one important is watching. Research suggests that rather than escaping from or compensating for their offline personality, people tend to extend their offline personalities into their online presence.

More for You:

Zodiac Signs That Are Terrible At Relationships (And Why)

20 Little Things Women Do That Guys Secretly Love

Couples Who Truly Love Each Other Use These 7 Phrases On A Regular Basis

11 Signs A Man Loves You From The Depths Of His Soul, According To Psychology

6. 'How well does this person keep in touch?'

woman asking the question how well does this person keep in touch to spot man's true character ViDI Studio / Shutterstock

If you're dating exclusively, do you feel he maintains adequate contact with you? Does he respond to texts in a timely fashion? Does he tell you his plans?

Clinical social worker Jennifer Klesman often hears from people that their partner will text them a lot and then go silent for a few days. "That's inconsistent," Klesman says. "If someone is interested in you and invested, they're going to show consistent behavior."

7. 'Has this person been open with me in his expectations for the relationship?'

woman asking the question has this person been open with me about expectations spot man's true character SeventyFour / Shutterstock

Keep in mind that untrustworthy partners don't always have the intention to toy with your heart. Oftentimes, they just don't know what they want. Either way, don't let yourself be strung along while they try to make up their minds.

There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. While there are general guidelines for trustworthiness, every relationship is different, and it really boils down to what you have trouble trusting and what you don't. On the flip side, we can't emphasize enough how important it is that you know your partner's specific points of trust and distrust so that you can be sure to honor them the way you'd like your own insecure tendencies to be respected.

Denise Ngo is a freelance web writer/editor who specializes in pop culture, fashion, science, faith, and relationships.