After Divorce, Falling In Love Again Comes Down To These 7 Simple Rules
Maryna Brohovska | Shutterstock As a dating coach, I work with many single moms who want to start dating, but who feel lost about how. Where do they start? Some have never even used dating apps. While the tech aspect seems like the most obvious hurdle for some, what holds them back from opening up to love again after divorce often goes deeper.
Feeling attractive again is the first obstacle to getting back on the dating saddle, but once they’ve overcome that, they don’t know where to look for a new mate. It is possible to find love again!
After divorce, falling in love again comes down to 7 simple rules:
1. Expand your social circle
Many times, it is hard to meet new people when you’re waiting for your same friends, co-workers, or church to introduce you to singles they know. Use all the great technology and dating innovations now available to meet new people: online dating, meet-ups, social networking, speed dating, mixers, and more.
2. Say yes
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As the mother of a 3-year-old, I understand that it feels weird to go out again after you’ve had kids, but this time, when someone invites you somewhere, say yes. Extra ticket for the basketball game, yes. Blind date with a friend’s friend, yes.
3. Makeover yourself
Most of the makeover you need is probably mental. You are attractive, caring, and a great match, and to snag your next spouse, you need to feel good about yourself. Try getting a new wardrobe (or a few pieces) or starting a new workout routine. It can do wonders for your self-esteem.
4. Schedule free time
When you don’t have the kids, take advantage of the extra time to see your dates. Make sure you schedule time for your new mate before he comes into your life. Many moms are so over-committed that new partners feel you don't have time for them.
I recommend carving out 2 to 3 hour 'dates' every week you can use to see someone new, go to a singles mixer, or browse dating sites. Also, don't forget to schedule relaxation and alone time for yourself!
5. Ask for introductions
Many single moms are shy about letting people know they are single and ready to mingle. Don’t assume that friends and co-workers would set you up on dates if they knew someone right for you. Making a specific ask that includes the top 3 qualities you're seeking in a mate is more likely to fill up your dance card than just waiting for others to think of you for a blind date.
6. Don’t date your ex’s opposite
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The tendency after a relationship ends is to rebound with someone who has all the qualities that your ex lacked. They had no ambition, so you now seek out someone with a high-profile career. These relationships can seem satisfying at first, but make sure you are loving your new partner for who they are rather than just filling the holes left by your ex.
7. Keep your kids out of it
Being a mom myself, I know how your life and your conversations seem to always end up revolving around your kids. However, in the dating scene, this is a topic for a later date. When you’re dating, a man wants to see you; using pictures of your children on your dating profile or talking about them throughout the date is a turnoff.
You don’t have to delay your dating life until your children’s 18th birthday. Armed with new tools, self-confidence, and a solid support system, MILF status is within reach. Now that is a real Mother’s Day treat!
Damona Hoffman is a dating coach and former TV casting director and executive. She has been featured on CBS, Woman's Day, Fox, The Huffington Post, NBC, and more.
