Woman Wonders If She's Wrong To 'Dig In Her Heels' About The Intimacy Clause In Her Prenup
Prenups are always controversial, but this clause is especially so.
Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock A woman on Reddit is feeling deeply uneasy about a certain provision in the prenuptial agreement that her fiance gave her — and it's got nothing to do with money or material assets.
The woman is uncomfortable with the intimacy clause in her prenup.
Prenuptial agreements are often controversial. Many feel that they're cynical, and others outright reject the notion of even considering the possibility of a marriage ending. It's supposed to be forever, after all, right?
But that is, of course, wildly naive, and lawyers say a properly prepared prenup can make all the difference should the marriage ultimately go down the path toward divorce. It removes many of the ambiguities and disagreements inherent to the process of splitting up.
In this woman's case, however, the prenup her fiancé has drawn up is being used to regulate things that have no business being in a prenup, seemingly to manipulate her in a way that's not only sexist but potentially abusive.
The intimacy clause in her prenup makes denial of sex for any reason grounds for divorce.
"I honestly can't believe I'm asking this, but my boyfriend has gotten so mad that I'm feeling a little crazy now," the woman opened her Reddit post.
She explained that both she and her fiancé have been married before and that his previous marriage ended in divorce because the relationship resulted in "a dead bedroom," a situation her fiancé is determined to never end up in again.
That's a valid concern — intimacy is a vital part of a marital relationship, and things drying up in that department can be a relationship ruiner for men and women alike. But the lengths he's going to to avoid that outcome are … well, draconian to say the least.
"Now he wants [to] literally write in the prenup that we will have sex X amount of times a week, or else I get absolutely nothing in the divorce," she shared.
She already agreed to an even 50/50 split of assets and that they would both keep what they had before the marriage — a totally normal and equitable approach. But that's not enough for him.
"He wants me to 'prove' that I won't stop having sex with him in the future," she wrote. "I [told] him I can't prove the future, and putting something in writing doesn't prove that."
People on Reddit were appalled that she would even consider marrying a person who would put an intimacy clause in her prenup.
It should go without saying that this is a wildly inappropriate demand. There are myriad reasons a person could stop having sex, including medical ones that make the act virtually impossible, for starters.
But that's almost beside the point. The real issue at hand is one that the Redditor put perfectly in her own words: "It makes me feel like a sex slave and not a loved wife or partner." Ding ding ding!
Having this kind of provision in a prenup points to the possibility of sex being used as a weapon and a tool of coercion and abuse. Whether it ends up staying in the contract or not, this speaks to a wildly dangerous view of sex and women on the part of her fiancé.
With no desire to be harsh or judgmental, the next logical question to stem from this is: Why on earth is she even considering marrying this person?
This was the question on nearly every Redditors' mind, too — especially since she'd previously posted about having broken up with him for this very reason just weeks before.
"Your other post, you guys broke up 49 days ago over his stance on sex and giving you silent treatments, and now you’re here with him as your fiancé and the same issue but greater?" one poster commented. "Break up with him and make it stick this time."
"Is this the boyfriend you broke up with a few months ago?" another asked. "Because you had excellent reasons to break up with him back then and you have excellent reasons to break up again. But this time, stay broken up."
In the end, the very first sentence of the woman's post says it all. "I honestly can't believe I'm asking this," she wrote, "but my boyfriend has gotten so mad that I'm feeling a little crazy now." No, you're not crazy. Your instincts are telling you this is dangerous and inappropriate. Listen to them.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.