Wife Says She Stays In Bed All Day To Avoid Being Mean To Her ‘Good Guy’ Husband — ‘I Don’t Know How To Divorce Him’
Repair is a tactic that doesn't always work, especially when someone feels invalidated by their partner.
fizkes / Shutterstock Divorce is often framed as a failure of two people to repair a broken relationship, yet really, it’s a valid way to end a marriage that’s no longer working for any given reason.
Whether a divorce is rooted in infidelity, a growing lack of communication, or just distance between two people that became too wide to cross, no one should have to stay in a relationship where they feel unsafe or unfulfilled.
A woman says she stays in bed all day to avoid being mean to her ‘good guy’ husband, whom she doesn't know how to divorce.
Casie Grier recorded herself speaking openly and vulnerably about a topic that’s often swept under the rug: What does it mean when you want to get divorced from someone who’s a good person?
“Can we talk about how hard it is to leave the good guy?” Grier asked, tears in her eyes.
“One [who] when you say, ‘I want a divorce,’ he’s like, ‘No, I wanna work this out, everything’s gonna be fine, we can get through this,’ and he’s so encouraging and everything, it’s just so [expletive] peachy keen.”
While there’s inherent value in trying to find solutions to conflicts within a relationship, the question remains: What happens when the conflict can’t be solved or when one person just isn’t happy anymore?
Sometimes, divorce happens between two good people, even between people who still care about each other. It’s not that someone is a bad partner; it’s just that they’re no longer the right partner for you.
Grier said she felt “manipulated into staying because he’s a good guy.”
“He does nothing wrong. The only thing he’s guilty of is being lazy and not putting in effort like we did in the beginning of our relationship, like any other marriage,” she explained. "He doesn’t beat me, he doesn’t take money from me, but he downplays my emotions.”
“I don’t think he fully understands me,” she continued. “And we’ve talked about this; this has all been in counseling, but how do you leave the good guy?”
According to relationship coach Dave Elliott, invalidating your partner is one of the top behaviors that leads to divorce.
Grier shared that she was in the midst of “an internal battle” because of how deeply she wanted to leave her marriage.
Photo: Nicoleta Ionescu / Shutterstock
“I mean, am I the crazy one?” she asked. “Am I the crazy one because I keep throwing these fits and fighting with him?”
“I literally stay in bed all day,” she said. ‘“If I don’t stay in bed all day, I will nitpick him.”
Grier confessed that she stays in bed to avoid being mean to her husband, who doesn’t want to get divorced.
“I didn’t start doing this until, like, last year,” Grier said, breaking down in tears. “Because I’m so unhappy with myself that I will nitpick him and tear him apart, so if I stay in bed, I won’t be mean.”
By avoiding confrontation and trying to protect her husband from her own resentment, Grier is living half a life, which is an existence no one deserves.
Life coach Teresa Atkins touched on certain marriage mistakes that can lead to divorce, including living parallel lives with your partner.
Atkins called this “the slippery slope to disconnecting completely,” noting that “the bonds of marriage thrive on having an interest in one another, working toward common goals, and spending time with one another.”
She shared that “Knowing your own worth” by taking inventory of what’s important to you in a partnership is a way to avoid divorce, yet it seems that sometimes, accounting for your own emotional needs can lead to the end of a relationship, if your needs are no longer being met.
Photo: Prostock-studio / Shutterstock
“I’m so tired,” Grier said, exhaling deeply. “And I’m only sharing this because I swear to god, I promised transparency… And I am struggling today.”
“This has been an ongoing struggle for the past, like, six months of my marriage,” she revealed. “I’ve said it here and there in videos, but I’ve never gotten this raw.”
“I’m tired of marriage counseling. I’m tired of trying. I’m ready to leave. I’m ready for a divorce,” she said. “I’m exhausted. I’m mentally at my capacity.”
While attempting to repair the relationship is the right first step, it isn’t always the final step.
There’s no shame in taking a long, hard look at your partner and realizing that you want a different life than what’s provided.
“I feel like I’m stretched thin,” she continued. “I can’t describe it, but I am not okay today.”
While the comments took a more negative view toward what Grier was saying, she vocalized what so many people struggle to say: If the relationship can't be repaired, the result is emotional exhaustion, which is as valid a reason as any to walk away.
Grier will almost certainly receive negative feedback for her honesty, yet she spoke her truth, something that should be celebrated, even when that truth contains heartbreak.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.