Wife Says She Feels Unappreciated After Noticing Everything Her Husband Does To 'Intentionally Irritate' Her

When she confronted her husband about his behavior, he accused her of being "hysterical."

upset woman sitting at edge of bed after fight with husband lying behind her PeopleImages.com - Yuri A / Shutterstock

A woman said her husband accused her of being overdramatic after she brought up different instances where she felt that he was purposefully trying to get on her nerves. 

Posting to the subreddit r/AmIOverreacting, she explained that her husband's behavior has made her feel invaluable in their marriage.

She feels unappreciated after noticing everything her husband does to 'intentionally irritate' her. 

In her Reddit post, she explained that sometimes her husband will do things knowing that it will get a rise out of her. It only gets worse because if she chooses to confront him about these things, they'll end up in an argument where he accuses her of being "hysterical" and that she's making a big deal out of nothing.


In any relationship, there should be zero room for invalidation of how someone else feels. You may not understand where they're coming from, and their grievances might seem inconsequential to you, but to them, it's either hurt their feelings or created a significant emotional impact. 

Wife Admits To Feeling Unappreciated After Noticing Everything Her Husband Does To Intentionally Irritate HerPhoto: Gladskikh Tatiana / Shutterstock


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Everyone experiences and processes things differently, but dismissing, gaslighting, or alienating someone, especially a person you're married to, won't solve the issue. It will, however, create more problems in its place. 

She provided examples of different instances where she's noticed her husband attempting to "intentionally irritate" her, including the moments when she's trying to go to sleep and suddenly her husband needs help with something. "Sometimes I’ll have been in [bed] long enough to be just about asleep. I work early and have a horrible time sleeping. So waking me up feels mean," she wrote.

On top of that, he'll call her at random times of the day to ask questions or explain problems that he can easily fix himself. Whenever she meal-preps her lunches, he'll just eat her portioned meals and not take his own. He won't walk their dog and will just wait for her to get home and do it, and he purposefully does his laundry at night when she's trying to sleep.


woman reading in bed quietly jarenwicklund / Canva Pro

"If I’m reading, he’ll come into the room and turn on the TV, then play on his phone. When I move, he says I’m being dramatic and can’t sit in a room with him," she continued. "When we got in a fight, I was crying, and our dog came and sat next to me …he pulled him away as if I was a threat."

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She pointed out that it feels as if her husband has been trying to break her down.

She said she's almost at her breaking point and has no energy or time to keep up with all of her responsibilities and her husband's requests. Whenever she falls behind on chores or her husband's various other requests, it ends up becoming her fault.

wife admits to feeling unappreciated after noticing everything her husband does to intentionally irritate herPhoto: Mladen Mitrinovic / Shutterstock

They tried therapy, but her husband just further accused her of "nagging" him when she was simply trying to express how she felt whenever he tried to get a rise out of her intentionally. She's had to alter her plans and life to accommodate him, and now she's exhausted and has no energy left.


Her husband's behavior goes far beyond weaponized incompetence, a form of passive-aggressive behavior in which an individual deliberately performs tasks or responsibilities poorly or pretends to be incapable of completing them at all. This tends to happen in heterosexual relationships, where the husband or boyfriend uses it to avoid doing household chores or childcare responsibilities.

@_stronger_than_before_ Do you think you're in a relationship with someone who just can't seem to get it right? They're constantly pushing the workload on to you? It might not be a lack of competence but actually weaponized incompetence. #weaponizedincompetence #abuse #powerandcontrol #dv #liar #devaluation #abuser #abuseknowsnogender ♬ original sound - Lisa | StrongerThanBefore.ca ❤

However, in this instance, it seems as if her husband truly is intentionally trying to undermine her worth in their marriage. 

By consistently disregarding her feelings, gaslighting them, and refusing to acknowledge his own behavior, a toxic dynamic has formed. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem as if he has any desire to fix his mistakes. No one should ever be subjected to feeling inferior and unappreciated in a relationship.


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Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.