Heartbreak

Why Fall Will Always Make Me Think Of You

Photo: Yuricazac / Shutterstock
woman thinking outside

By Brittany Christopoulos

It’s the time of year when I start to miss you.

It’s the season when we fell in love. And not a day goes by where I don’t find myself thinking of you, or wondering if this will ever change throughout the years.

I go by your house to go somewhere else, and the sense of comfort comes back. The days were short but the nights were long, and your house was where I spent most of my time.

If I wasn’t curled up in the bliss of your arms, I was snuggled in bed talking to you or talking about you.

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I light the same scented candles as I always have, even long before your cologne became a regular fragrance I recognized. The candle would dimly light the room and the scent would take over my body.

Bath and Bodyworks has come clutch again with the fall candles, and you knew more than anyone how obsessed I was with them. I’d be relaxed, bored of scrolling through my feeds and waiting for your “what are you doing tonight?” message.

I still think that message is going to come, even though I know it won’t.

So there I’d sit, staring out the window waiting for you to pull up. I’d slowly collect my purse, re-spray my perfume and get into my comfiest but cutest clothing. I always had to look my best for you.

I’d walk outside, allowing the crisp air to hit my face. The damp road was slightly wet from the rain we had earlier and added to the Halloweentown vibe our neighborhood had at this time of year.

If I’m outside now, I think of those anxious moments.

I could hear the sound of your engine from a ways down the road before I could see your headlights coming to get me. The crunch of the leaves beneath my feet as I walked over to see you was the same sound I heard as I walked away.

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The only difference was how I felt walking in each different direction. And as I walk that familiar path, my chest hurts because the pain is still faintly there.

And since it’s the season of change, your colors as quickly as the leaves, and your heart turned as cold as the wind. By the end of fall and beginning of winter you left me cold and bare like a newly naked tree, shivering and searching for that warmth I once had.

It took me a while to grow my leaves back, but once I did, my roots stood firm and I was full of elegance and beauty. My new beginning was as refreshing as the first drop of rain in the spring, urging me to come back to life.

Your kisses, your scent and all of our memories are things I miss. And I hate that I’m reminded of them by the most beautiful part of the year.

Do I still love you? No. Because the harm you put me through will never make it up to me.

But I miss you. And I let the loneliness in fall take over my body and create a false emotion of love towards you.

So like I have every year, I’ll think of you until the winter comes.

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Brittany Christopoulos is a writer, journalist and fill-in TV co-host. She's a Senior Writer and Head of Trending News for Unwritten. Follow her on Twitter.

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This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.