What To Do When He Says He Doesn't Want A Relationship

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man telling woman he doesn't want a relationship

It'll never be the right time for a lot of men to be in a relationship, they believe they aren't in a big rush to give up their perceived freedom.

The only time a man like that wants a relationship is when he thinks he can't afford to lose you, and the thought of you dating and being with another man is too much for him.

Why would he want to give up a good thing, right?

You may be thinking how that is even going to happen. After all, he's either said up front he's not ready for a relationship, or he's hinted that committing to you just isn't in the cards.

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Rather than move on to someone else so quickly, you probably want to get to the nitty-gritty of why he feels a lack of commitment.

The good news, the reason most likely isn't you. Yet, that still doesn't mean you don't want to find out the truth.

Here's what to do when he says he doesn't want a relationship (if you do).

1. Say, "I understand."

This is a key response when a man says he isn't ready to commit.

When a man says he doesn't want to be in a relationship, the first thing to say is, "I understand." Then, say nothing else. Pause, wait, and then he will magically begin to respond and explain his reasons.

If you didn't argue with him, or try to discount and change his mind, you have accomplished step one.

Why is this so effective? By saying, "I understand," he will think you do understand him, which is a great relief to him. Thus, he will begin to relax and open up to you.

Congratulations! That was definitely not an easy thing to do.

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2. Commit to not having casual sex with him.

After he thinks you understand him, and you haven't tried to change him, he'll probably want to have sex with you. He may not be interested in commitment, but there's still something primal about men.

When he does hint or directly voice his interested in taking you to bed, tell him all the things you like and appreciate about him.

Then, say these magic words: "I've made a commitment to myself not to have casual sex. The next person I have sex with will be with a man who wants to build with me."

After you say that, look off into the distance. This is where he gets the chance to be your hero because he's attracted to your virtue and confidence. Men want to be the hero. Men marry virtue, and there's nothing sexier than confidence, right?

3. Say nothing more after that.

At this point, he may attempt to argue with you.

If that happens, you say, "I understand." You have planted the seed and, believe me, he heard you!

By letting him know what you want — both generally in life, and not specifically with him — you give him the opportunity, with no pressure from you, to think being in a relationship with you is his idea.

Because you know if it's not with him, it will be someone else. He definitely doesn't want that! He doesn't want to lose a great thing.

It takes a lot of patience to pull this off, and while it might be hard to have a conversation like this, it really does work.

RELATED: 9 Intense Mind Games Men Play & Why They're Signs He Doesn't Want A Relationship With You

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach.