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Is he lying about more than how much money he makes?
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Last updated on Apr 19, 2023
If there’s one thing I’ve noticed in my days of dating in a free market, it’s that men who are looking for mistresses tend to behave differently from men who are looking for a wife.
To a point, it’s not surprising. The situations are different, and the people who tend to approach women looking for stuff on the side aren’t always the “marriage type,” anyway.
These days, I can tell when guys are looking for a side girl and when they are legitimately out to look for a wife. Sadly, most other girls can’t, especially since many guys aren’t honest about what they are looking for until they feel the girl is invested in them.
Wondering about the signs he's looking for a mistress? Here are the biggest red flags to watch out for.
Here are 11 signs he's looking for a mistress, not a wife:
1. The thirst is real
Men looking for a mistress tend to be a lot thirstier than the guys who are looking for a wife. The reason why is that they already have a wife at home; they’re just looking for sex and validation and therefore will act accordingly.
2. He won’t tell you his real name, where he really works, or any serious information about him
Loose lips sink ships, and most married men know that. As a result, many will tiptoe around identifying information or scuttle conversation about their single status. The more tight-lipped he is about his life, the higher the chances are that he’s looking for a mistress rather than a wife.
3. He’s acting creepy
A lot of married (or taken) men tend to forget how to flirt with a girl they aren’t married to. As a result, they tend to be clunky and klutzy when trying to flirt with girls and end up coming off as creepy. Other married men tend not to see other women on the same level as their wives, which in turn means they may do things they'd never do to their wives, like send d*ck pics.
4. Or, he’s got a super sophisticated game
You don’t end up married without having some kind of ability to charm a person into living with you. For guys who were always smooth operators, being married often adds nitro to the cocktail by giving them confidence. Yes, they can chat you up and you can reject them, but who cares? They got another girl at home waiting for them, and they know it.
5. He’s hiding the hand he’d be wearing a wedding ring on
Even when they aren’t wearing the ring, a lot of married men will instinctively hide their hand out of muscle memory alone. The reason why is obvious: they don’t want you to peep the tan line on their hand or don’t want you to see the ring.
6. There’s serious incongruence between you and him
I get this one a lot when married men hit on me. Most of the time, the married men who hit on me are extremely conservative and it makes total sense to me since I have bright pink hair. Married men aren’t looking for a life partner; they’re looking for some variety, and that means they will be likely to look for someone who isn’t like their wife.
If you notice he’s way older than you, way younger than you, way richer than you, or way more conservative than you, this is one of the signs he's looking for a mistress or a side piece.
7. He literally tells you to keep things on the down low
This is never, ever a good sign. At best, he’s ashamed to be attracted to you. At worst, you are the side chick and he’s trying to keep his main chick from finding out about you.
8. The conversation regularly turns to sexual fetishes
You would be surprised at how many men are terrified to show their kinky side to their wives. This is often due to a Madonna-Wh*re Complex they have. Since they can’t see their wives as kinky, sexual beings, they turn to women they can see as sexual to fulfill the fetishes they may have.
9. He heavily flaunts the “Sugar Daddy” side of things
Yes, a lot of guys looking for a side piece are looking for validation. So, they will often want the girl to “ooh” and “ahh” at the money he makes and might also employ money to keep the girl’s mouth shut.
10. The guy in question regularly complains about what an unhappy marriage he has to you
A lot of men who are looking for mistresses or sex on the side will fish for willing girls by decrying the state of their marriage to others. They do this in hopes that you’ll sympathize with them and possibly end up in their beds as a result.
11. He mentions he’s married or taken, but is still flirting with you
Do you really need any other signs than this?
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.