5 Signs Your Ex Had An Exit Affair

Was it a random breakup, or did they already have plans to leave before you knew?

sad girl upset over breakup InesBazdar / Shutterstock

As someone who has studied infidelity and experienced both sides of it, I can tell you that there are different types of affairs.

There are emotional affairs that started off as close friends. There are affairs that happened because one party felt insecure. And then, there’s the exit affair.

An "exit affair" is a romantic affair that occurs because one party has already made the decision to leave the other.


They just want to have an affair to ensure someone will be there to "catch" them. At times, an exit affair can also be used to force a person to dump them.

Basically, this is an affair that spells that the relationship is dead as a doornail.

Did your last breakup happen as a result of an affair? Do you want to know if it’s an exit affair? Here are the dead giveaway signs that I’ve noticed…


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Here are 5 signs your ex had an exit affair:

1. Your partner stopped arguing with you and stopped trying to improve your relationship months or even years ago

Most people assume that a partner that has stopped crying and stopped arguing with you is a good thing. It’s not, especially if you know that the issues that upset them are still there.

You might think that they have accepted it and decided to move on. In reality? Your partner checked out of the relationship. They’re done with you and are just biding their time to leave.

When your partner stops trying to fix the relationship, it’s because they gave up.


They’re done. They’re looking to leave and have started the process of uncoupling.

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2. People actively told you that your partner seemed to want out

Did you get a nagging feeling that your partner wanted out for a while? Have others warned you that your partner wanted to leave you, or that they were going to leave you if things didn’t shape up?

Many people don’t have the guts to pull the plug on a relationship the old-fashioned way. Some also want to make sure that you don’t want to go back to them, too.

Their solution is to have an exit affair and make sure you find out.


This is their way of pushing you towards dumping them so they don’t do the dirty work.

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3. They show absolutely no remorse when you confront them, nor do they ask for you back

Most cheaters do feel bad when they are caught cheating, even if they are not remorseful during the deed.

An exit affair is done with no remorse. They don’t care if they hurt you or if you know. They want the relationship to be done with.

A person who has an exit affair will not ask for you to take them back. They usually will tell you, straight to your face, that they’re leaving you for the affair partner.


If they don’t do that, they may pressure you to dump them over it.

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4. If you were honest, you were not the best partner

Exit affairs are a way to both sever a relationship, build a lifeboat, and also actively punish a partner.

Unsurprisingly, most people who decide to pursue an exit affair do so because they are really, truly miserable in their relationship.

Hard as this may be, you need to ask yourself a couple of questions: Did you help out around the house? Did you prioritize your partner? Did you have sex with them, or let intimacy die out?

If you realized you kinda sucked as a partner, you probably have an exit affair on your hands.


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5. Their newest boo started dating them while you two were together

Though this isn’t always a sign of an exit affair, it definitely raises an eyebrow.

Sometimes, it’s a surprise emotional affair that your ex may have decided to go public with. Other times? Well, it could be that they "monkey branched" to a new partner.


If you noticed that their "anniversary" falls on a date when you two were still together, it’s time to hit the pause button. It could have been an exit affair. Of course, it could also mean that the position of "side piece" for your ex just opened up.

Bottom line? It’s best to assume you dodged a bullet.

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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.