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How can you tell if you're desperate just to have a man?
By The Stir — Written on Nov 03, 2022
One of the most dangerous fears that swirl around in the minds of many women—too many women—is the fear of being man-less. The phobia of being alone and detached keeps them stocked with either an endless supply of disposable dudes or the same ol’ dud whose proven himself unworthy year after year after year.
Either way, not the most glimmering examples of upstanding manliness, but they fit the bill out of necessity because they’ve got the biological qualifications and physical accouterments to boot. With no chance to go into the next relationship refreshed and renewed because there’s they don’t give themselves time to heal, compulsive man-seekers sacrifice a lot for the sake of having a warm body in their beds or a new beau by their sides.
Trouble is, most of these ladies don’t recognize their addiction to that new boo euphoria or the reliance on having a man at their disposal. And so it goes on unchecked for ages, all the while chipping at their self-worth and sometimes, their personal health and safety.
Still, there are signs and indications that a woman is crazier about the idea of a man than the man himself. Nothing personal against the boy toys who will continue to parade in and out of J. Lo and Halle’s lives. It’s just that even more empowering than landing a man is learning how to live without one.
Here are five signs you're desperate for a man (and it's turning him off):
1. You’re constantly defending him from your family and friends (or not telling them the whole truth about your situation)
Sometimes you don’t pick up on valid points about your love life because you’re too busy actually living it. But when your loved ones present things they’ve noticed about your man, you dismiss the cold, hard facts because you don’t want to have undeniable justification to cut your dude loose and end up single. Better to make your inner circle feel like they’re crazy than accept that your guy may not be the good thing you’ve worked exceedingly hard to make him out to be.
2. You regularly let his inconsideration and indiscretions slide
He cusses at your kids, he rolls his eyes at your mama, and he breaks promises to you with a systemic regularity. You, in turn, apologize for problems you didn’t create or shoulder responsibility for issues that aren’t yours. He gets away with it all because he knows, just like you know, that you are too afraid to rock the boat and risk his leaving than to cut his fool tail loose and hand him his walking papers in a handbasket.
3. You’re always making excuses for him
I’ve known women obviously getting beat down by their men on a regular basis and others who’ve been molly whopped by rants and raves about their worthlessness. But they still find a reason to defend their men’s honor not only because they’re conditioned to put them on pedestals but because they’re so scared of them leaving, they’d rather pardon the behavior than confront the obvious fact that they’re not worth the emotional and mental investment. Just to have a man.
4. You haven't been single longer than a week in your whole adult life
Some experts say it takes two years to bounce back in whole from a previous relationship, maybe longer depending on the circumstances and the emotional condition of the folks doing the bouncing back. But one thing’s for sure: if you associate all memories according to the man you were, that might be a sign that you’ve spent too much time up under a dude. Come up for air.
5. You reason, “It’s better than being alone.”
He’s cheated, and he’s lazy but he’s also breathing and wields a pretty mean sex game, so you opt to make it work with him instead of running the risk of staying drenched in singleness. But sweetie pie, I’ll take single over settling any time. I think we all should. Even J. Lo and Halle.
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Janelle Harris is a writer and editor who focuses on relationships and love.
This article was originally published at The Stir. Reprinted with permission from the author.