Heartbreak

The Relationship Killer That Sneaks Up Without Notice

Photo: Dragana Gordic / Shutterstock  
couple arguing

If we've heard it once, we've heard it a million times: the best relationships are those in which partners can communicate openly, honestly, and without reservation or fear. So why is this so difficult for us to believe? Why do we insist on sneaking around our boyfriend's emails, texts, and personal stuff? A relationship and dating expert has some alternatives to help women stop the madness and start truly communicating.

What I'm about to share with you today is very personal to me. I believe relationships should be built on trust, honesty, and respect for each other's personal space.

What I'm going to give you is a blueprint for building a trusting, loving relationship. Even though some of what I'm about to say may be hard for you to digest and hard for you to resist doing at first, listen closely: it could change your relationship health for the better. 

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Here are things about secrecy, snooping, and other relationship killers:

1. No matter what your women's intuition might be telling you… never snoop!

A lot of women snoop. They dig into their boyfriend's e-mail. They check all the messages on their guy's phone. I've met a ton of women and almost every one of them has admitted to snooping at one time or another into a man's personal stuff when he wasn't around. They call it women's intuition and they justify it by saying they knew something was up. They just wanted peace of mind. 

Never, ever snoop. When you snoop, you will find something. And you'll find something about which you can create a story — even if it's completely innocent. He might be flirting with an ex because he's had a row with you. It's his way of trying to figure things out. Or it could be his way of getting over the argument.

Men process things in totally different ways, and our egos love to be validated by women from our past and women from our present. It doesn't mean he's about to cheat on you. So allow a man to have his personal space. His inbox is his inbox. You can confront him and ask him if he's having an emotional affair, physical affair, or anything else, but don't snoop because you'll find something you don't like. 

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2. Trust is built on communication

If you want to ask a man something, ask him. If things don't feel right, discuss it at the moment. If they still don't feel right, continue to have that conversation. In order to build a trusting relationship, you need to build it from the beginning. A man needs to feel comfortable discussing everything with you.

If a man talks about his needs, wants, and desires with you, make sure you respond positively to him. If you ignore what he's telling you he needs from the relationship, he's going to retreat into that man cave, and he's going to pull back emotionally. If there are things you can't satisfy, be open and honest and tell him. Remember that this is a two-way street. The relationship may not be what you think.

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3. All relationships have nothing but trust

There should be no secrets. Phone calls should be taken in front of each other. Whenever a friend calls, you shouldn't leave the room or whisper;  it'll create mistrust. You should be able to communicate in front of each other. You should be able to work in front of one another. You should be able to text in front of one another. Life should be an open book. If it's an open book, you'll trust one another.

If you truly can't find it in yourself to trust your partner, look honestly at the relationship and ask yourself some hard questions about whether it's the best match for either of you.

I truly believe that relationships are built on trust. Snooping and not talking honestly and openly are relationship killers waiting to strike. Keep these tips in mind and I guarantee your next relationship will be far more rewarding. 

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David Wygant is a dating/relationship coach who has been featured on MTV, Bravo, NBC, LA Times, and more.

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