As A Divorce Attorney, These Are The 3 Biggest Mistakes I See Husbands Make

Three mistakes that come together to create a serious problem that undermines too many marriages.

Latino couple on a beach, looking at the water, woman's arms around the man Daxiao Productions / shutterstock

Divorce can be tough, and as a divorce attorney, I've seen many marriages fall apart for various reasons. But there are a few common mistakes husbands make that culminate into husbands refusing to share responsibilities equitably with their wives.

It's a big error that can strain relationships and push wives away. So, if you want to keep your marriage strong, listen up. After all, there are some practical tips to avoid this critical mistake.


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As a divorce attorney and mediator, here are three big mistakes made by too many husbands

1. Not sharing the household load or carrying your weight 

Let's talk about the mental load. It's the emotional and cognitive labor that women often carry in a relationship. It includes all those behind-the-scenes tasks like managing schedules, organizing appointments, making decisions about the kids' activities, and coordinating household chores. It's a lot of work, and when husbands don't actively participate, it can create an imbalance in the relationship.


So, tip number one: Recognize and appreciate the mental load. It's not just your wife's responsibility. Be an equal partner in decision-making and household tasks. Help with physical chores, but also get involved in emotional and cognitive labor. Be a team and share the load.

Communication is key. Talk openly and honestly with your wife. Listen to her needs and expectations without judgment. Set up regular family meetings to discuss and plan household tasks. Be willing to make changes and be proactive in anticipating and addressing responsibilities.

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2. Being reactive instead of proactive in your partnership

Don't wait to be asked to help. Here's the second tip: Take the initiative to identify tasks that need to be done and pitch in without being prompted. It shows respect and consideration for your wife's mental load and a genuine desire to share responsibilities.


Remember to also be mindful of your wife's emotional well-being. The mental load can take a toll on her mental health. So, be supportive and empathetic. Create a safe space for her to express her feelings and concerns. Offer emotional support and seek professional help if needed.

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3. Failing to express appreciation — early and often

Recognize and acknowledge your wife's contributions to the household and family life. Here's your next tip: Say "thank you" for the everyday tasks she does. Show gratitude for her efforts. It's the little acts of appreciation that can make a big difference in strengthening your marriage.

In conclusion, don't make the mistake of neglecting the mental load and inequitable sharing of responsibilities in your marriage. It's a critical error that can push your wife away. Instead, be an active and supportive partner. Share the load, communicate openly, be proactive, and show appreciation. Your wife will feel valued and respected, and your marriage will thrive.


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Anna Krolikowska is an attorney, mediator, and collaborative divorce practitioner in Illinois.