Early Warning Signs Your New Partner Is Trying To Dominate Your Life
Know the difference between an aberration and a warning.
Yasin Arıbuğa | Unsplash The best way to escape a controlling or abusive relationship is to get out before you are emotionally hooked. But how can you tell when a new romantic interest may turn into a problem partner?
This is easier said than done, I know. Everyone has a bad day or makes a mistake. So, how will you know if one of these domineering episodes is an aberration or a warning?
Look for signs they don't want to change, or say they do and simply don't. And, of course, if they have more than just a few of the behaviors on the list, trust your gut and play it safe.
Here are a few early warning signs someone is trying to dominate your life
1. They monopolize your time
You spend all your free time with your partner — perhaps even seeing them every day. If you spend time with someone else, your partner seems hurt, annoyed, or even angry.
2. They call or text constantly
You may get calls and texts 24/7 — even if you also spend a lot of time with this person. If you don't respond immediately, and your partner demands to know why, consider this a serious warning.
3. They play for your sympathy
Your new partner may talk about an abusive childhood, a scheming boss, or a treacherous previous love interest. This warning sign is especially relevant if they tell you a previous partner was cheating, abusive, or mentally unbalanced (these are common accusations for abusers).
4. Your partner overreacts to a trivial or nonexistent slight
They become angry or sullen over nothing or accuse you of saying or doing something that didn't happen.
5. Your partner is worked up and says it's your fault
During debate, discussion, or argument, your partner is combative and says, "You made me say it," or "You made me do it," or, "You made me crazy," or something like that. If your partner blames you for their behavior, this is a classic controller technique.
6. Early on, your partner buys you extravagant gifts
You've only been dating a short time, but they buy you an expensive gift, like jewelry, electronics, or money, and it feels inappropriate. This may be an attempt to make you feel indebted.
7. You see a sudden flash of nastiness that seems out of character
Maybe it's not directed towards you, but your partner is rude to the waiter or other person. If your partner has been treating you like gold, and suddenly you see a mean streak, the person's mask has slipped and revealed what's behind it.
8. "Where did that come from?"
Your partner says or does something negative, and your immediate reaction is, "Huh? Where did that come from?" If you are shocked, do not overlook the incident or reaction.
9. All your interactions are on your partner's terms
You spend time at your partner's house, with your partner's friends and family, doing what your partner wants to do. You never seem to get to what you want to do. If your partner does finally agree to what you want, They make the experience so miserable you never ask again.
10. Your partner is starting to criticize you
In the beginning, your partner continuously told you how wonderful you are. Now, they are finding things about you to criticize, though the criticisms may be presented in the context of "helping" or "for your good." Remember, romantic partners are supposed to be supportive.
ProStockStudio via Shutterstock
11. Your partner physically assaults you, even if it doesn't hurt
This is major, major, major. If your partner shoves, hits, scratches, or chokes you, even lightly, you should assume that they are testing you. Your partner may claim it was an accident, they didn't mean it, and it will never happen again. Your partner may be taking the first steps toward training you to tolerate physical abuse.
12. Your partner pushes your boundaries
Your partner may make suggestions or demands you find uncomfortable, all for more "fantasy" or "excitement." Well, this may be the beginning of uncomfortable demands, and the demands may escalate.
13. You feel drained
Perhaps your partner is being demanding, although the demands are hidden in the context of wanting to spend so much time with you. You feel like you are constantly defending yourself. Whatever the reason, this relationship leaves you feeling drained. Keep in mind that controllers suck the life out of you.
What should you think? What should you do?
You may be inclined to interpret overly attentive behaviors to mean that your new partner is smitten with you. If you see some nastiness, you may feel you should cut the person some slack because we all have bad days. We all have wounds and baggage.
But in order to protect yourself, you need to listen to your instincts. If you have a pestering intuition or a bad feeling there is something wrong with this person or their involvement, and you see these behaviors, consider yourself warned.
More importantly, act on the warning and end your involvement. The sooner you get out, the safer you will be.
Donna Andersen is the author of Lovefraud.com and host of the "True Lovefraud Stories podcast." She offers advice on escape and recovery from a sociopath, psychopath, or narcissist, as well as personal consultations.