Woman Feels Bad For Boomer Moms Because Of How Little Boomer Dads Did For Their Kids
She said boomer dads "set the bar low."
Dmytro Zinkevych / Shutterstock Over the years, parenting styles have evolved. When today's parents look back at the generations of parents who came before them, they likely see something very different than their own techniques and values. This can lead to feelings of resentment in some cases and feelings of sympathy in others.
One mom shared that she feels nothing but sympathy for boomer moms, all because of boomer dads.
A mom brought attention to the difference between fathers today and boomer fathers.
She posted to Reddit revealing her observation, and questioning if she was alone in her feelings of sympathy. “Anyone else just feeling sad for boomer moms?” she asked.
“At any family function, I can guarantee a boomer mom will comment on my husband about how he’s such a good dad because he’s just … parenting,” she elaborated.
Photo: George Rudy / Shutterstock
The woman admitted that she was lucky to have such a great husband. “To be fair, my husband is an excellent dad and partner. I really did hit the lottery,” she wrote.
However, the woman also acknowledged that her husband often receives accolades when he’s not doing much at all. “Apparently all it takes is a dad getting a fruit plate for a toddler and playing cars for five minutes to get unending praise from these elder moms."
“Boomer fathers must [have] set the bar low,” she concluded.
There are a variety of reasons boomer dads may have been less involved in their children’s lives.
Psychologist Dr. Daniel Singley wrote about the “fatherhood generation gap,” and said, “The baby boomer dads — the grandfathers of today — generally didn’t model being involved with infants and babies, so today’s dads received very early training that amounted to checking out of the parenting process until their toddlers could throw a ball and say, ‘Dada.’”
Dr. Singley pointed out that being more involved in children’s lives goes against traditional ideas of masculinity and gender roles. In spite of this, dads today are still more involved.
Another possible reason for the distance of boomers as fathers is their experience with their emotions. According to 2018 statistics from the American Psychological Association, an estimated 35% of Millennials have received help from mental health professionals, compared to only 22% of baby boomers. This likely has allowed younger generations to more easily teach their children about healthy ways to express emotions.
Because fathers of today are more accustomed to ignoring gender norms and have a better understanding of their mental health, they are more prepared to be there for their children, while boomer fathers were not.
Reddit users agreed that boomer fathers were not as involved and offered their own suggestions as to why.
Many commenters agreed with the original poster that boomer dads “set the bar low,” as she said.
“I think about it a lot especially when older women talk about ‘life being over’ for women when having a child,” one person said. “When I see just how shocked they are that men do any parenting, it hits me how incredibly overwhelming their workload was.”
“My in-laws watch my [one-year-old] during the day and my [mother-in-law] told me a little while ago that my [father-in-law] apologized to her for not realizing how much work she did while home with their three kids when they were little,” another wrote. “He has always been a wonderful father but I think they just had [a] very ‘traditional’ split of duties.”
It seems true that boomer fathers were far less emotionally available to their children because of their own mental health and beliefs about gender roles. As those things slowly change for men in society, they feel freer to become more involved in their children’s lives.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.