Woman Feels 'Blindsided' After Discovering That The Rent She's Been Paying Really Goes To Her Husband And His Mom
Her husband's behavior is nothing short of betrayal.
fizkes | Shutterstock Deciding how to handle your finances when you get married can be difficult. One couple decided to go 50/50 on their expenses. Everything seemed to be working out fine until the wife discovered a huge secret her husband had been intentionally keeping from her. All the money she was contributing to putting a roof over their head was funneling directly to her husband and his mom.
Now, she's wondering if there's a way back from this betrayal or if it's worth even trying. For her, it's not really about the money. It's about the lies and secrecy.
A woman found out that the money she was paying for rent actually went to her husband and mother-in-law.
The wife took to Reddit to ask for advice after her family treated her like she was the one who was overreacting. She said that she, a 31-year-old, had been married to her 33-year-old husband Brian for two years. “Right after the wedding, we moved into an apartment he said was a ‘great deal’ from a family friend,” she explained. “We agreed to split rent and utilities 50/50 to keep things ‘equal’ since we were starting fresh and wanted to avoid money fights. So I’ve been sending him $700 [a] month just for the rent this whole time.”
While there’s not necessarily anything wrong with splitting expenses 50/50 as a couple if that’s what works best for you, this situation did seem to be a bit sketchy. After all, she was just sending her husband $700 every month without really knowing anything else about it.
Mikhail Nilov | Pexels
“Three days ago, at a BBQ, I overheard his mom talking about how ‘it’s nice getting rent from Brian’s place’ and how smart they were to keep it in the family,” she continued. “Turns out his mom owns that apartment, and Brian’s on the deed too. I had no idea. He never told me. Just let me keep paying rent for two years like a clueless roommate.”
Naturally, the woman was shocked and upset. “When I confronted him, he said ‘I never asked’ and that I’m overreacting because we weren’t overpaying,” she said. “But I feel completely blindsided. It’s not just the money, it’s the secrecy. I told him I won’t keep paying until we talk about a fair setup. Now he’s acting like I’m the problem.”
Most people couldn’t believe what this woman said, and expressed as much in their comments.
“Girl, I’d be drafting divorce papers in a Lisa Frank notebook because this is giving financial betrayal and mama’s boy energy,” one person said. “That’s not just shady, that’s premeditated. You didn’t marry a husband, you married a landlord with benefits.”
“His mom was chatting about it with friends so it’s no secret — except from you,” another shared. “It’s disrespectful, deceitful behavior. How do you think the future will pan out here? What if you have children? Can you see a way forward, to trusting him?”
A married couple is a unit, and that means shared money.
One person shared that they believed splitting money 50/50 was the wrong route to take as a married couple. “When you’re married you’re supposed to be a team,” they said. “You share assets, you share debts, you have common goals and you will succeed or fail as a single unit. A lot of people really struggle to see it this way, and instead treat it like some kind of loose arrangement between two separate individuals.”
Finance expert Rachel Cruze, daughter of Dave Ramsey, agreed. “Separating the money and splitting the bills is a bad idea that only leads to more money and relationship problems down the road,” she said. “Don’t keep separate accounts. Put all of your money together and begin to look at it as a whole.”
This is a sentiment her father often shares. As Ramsey said in one Facebook post, “If you’re married and keep separate finances, you’re not a team — you’re just roommates with wedding rings.”
While each couple has to decide what is individually best for them, and for some that may mean splitting finances 50/50, it clearly did not work out in this woman’s situation. Something has to change.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
