Wife Refuses To Let Her New Husband Go On An African Safari With His Son, Even Though She Has No Interest In Going
She claimed that her husband going on this trip makes her feel uneasy.
Rido | Shutterstock A woman questioned if she was being unreasonable after demanding that her new husband stay home rather than going on a bucket list African safari trip with his adult son from his first marriage. Sharing her dilemma in the advice column, "Asking Eric," the 69-year-old woman explained that she was newly married to her husband and was upset that he seemed to have no qualms about going on this adventure without her, even though she has no desire to go on it herself.
While these newlyweds have only been married for a little over a year, her response to the trip seems extreme. Her biggest gripe is the fact that he is willing to be away from her, but this isn't exactly a naive bride trying to find her way in the world, and they aren't talking about a weekend trip to Myrtle Beach. These are mature adults who have both been married before, talking about a once-in-a-lifetime adventure.
A wife refuses to let her new husband go on an African safari with his son.
Tima Miroshnichenko | Pexels
"My present husband and I have been married for a little over a year. We dated in high school and coincidentally ended up together," she began. "Prior to getting married, my husband didn’t ever mention he wanted to go on an African safari with his adult son, and now it has come up frequently."
She claimed that she's made it clear to her husband that the idea of him going on a trip like that with his son greatly upsets her, mostly because he would be traveling without her. She argued that she would not be paying for their adventure if they were doing it without her, but at the same time, she admitted that she has no desire to accompany them either.
The wife seems most concerned about the fact that the trip will take her husband away from her for 'so long.'
"I don’t understand it, this wanting to be away from me for that long. It hurts me deeply that they didn’t do this stuff all those years when he was single. Now he’s retired so possibly that’s why his son has come up with this idea," she continued.
She questioned how she should handle this debacle with her husband because she simply can't handle the fact that her husband will be away from her for that long. She pointed out that she married him to be a "couple through thick and thin," but is having quite a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he genuinely wants to go on a trip and spend some time with his son.
This wife might be newly married, but she's not exactly just starting out in life, which makes her concerns so confounding. They are both pushing 70 and had lifelong marriages before rekindling their high school romance. She seems dependent on her husband in a way that is unhealthy, but maybe it has something to do with the fact that she lost her first husband after 43 years of marriage. Her reluctance to let him have this adventure with his son might just be her fear of something happening to him talking.
Relationship coach Abel Keogh explained that this fear is actually very common in widows and widowers. He explained that to overcome it takes a mindset shift. He said, "The question to ask yourself isn’t, 'What if I lose this person?' — it’s 'What kind of life do I want to live?' A life dictated by fear will always be small and unfulfilling. A life guided by love, on the other hand, will be rich and meaningful, regardless of what the future holds. Every great love story, past and present, is built on the willingness to embrace uncertainty. Holding back out of fear won’t prevent loss; it will only prevent love. And in the end, the greatest tragedy isn’t losing someone — it’s never allowing yourself to love fully in the first place."
The wife was encouraged to be happy for her husband rather than trying to sabotage their trip.
Mikhail Nilov | Pexels
Ultimately, she can't let her fear of loss prevent her husband from having this experience. He has a right to go on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation with his son, and if she has no desire to travel with them, it's not fair for her to force him to stay home.
Despite the fact that they are married and share a life together, both of them should be allowed to live their own moments without the other there. A healthy marriage is built on being able to be your own person outside of your spouse. You don't have to do every single thing together, nor should you want to. If there's a moment when you want to take a solo trip or go on vacation with friends and leave your spouse at home, then you should be able to do that.
In response to the woman's dilemma, advice columnist R. Eric Thomas explained, "This safari trip is not about you; it isn’t an example of your husband abandoning you."
He continued, "Try to see it for what it is — a rare opportunity for him to pursue a dream and a chance for you, back home, to find something that brings you joy, as well. When you’re reunited, you can tell each other what you’ve learned and discovered."
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
