Vegan Mom & Daughter Were The Only Guests Not Served A Meal At Her Brother’s Wedding — So She Doesn’t Want To Give A Gift
Main character syndrome? Or does she have a point?
halfpoint / Canva Pro The thing about weddings is that they're not about us; they're about the bride and groom, of course. And for the rest of us, that means basically going with the flow — even if the food is bad, the band is terrible, or the drinks are watered down. You just have to roll with the punches, right?
But one vegan mom on TikTok took a decidedly different approach to her brother's wedding, one that has sparked a lot of drama.
The vegan mom refuses to buy a wedding gift for her brother because she wasn't served a meal.
Dietary restrictions are pretty common nowadays, and it's rare that a wedding caterer can't work with them, even if all they give you is a salad or a plate of vegetables. But that was not the case for vegan therapist and podcaster Danica Moore.
Moore shared her story on TikTok, where she is known as @ingbq, an acronym for her podcast, "I'm Not Gonna Be Quiet." And it has set off quite a debate about everything from wedding etiquette to family dynamics.
Moore asked the wedding coordinator to get her and her child Chinese takeout for her brother's wedding, but the coordinator refused.
In her TikTok, Moore explained that her family knows that she's vegan and had asked her what she wanted to eat at the wedding because the caterer's menu did not include vegan options. She, in turn, asked for "the simplest thing, Chinese food."
She was told it would be no problem and that the wedding coordinator would get the food ahead of time and heat it up for her and her child at the reception. "But that's not what happened," Moore said.
Instead, she said she got a call before the wedding asking her to go pick up the food herself. "I will not. No, I will not," she said. "I'm here to see some nuptials, not be your assistant."
Moore and her child ended up having nothing to eat because of the situation, which left her feeling like a wedding gift was out of the question, especially since she drove five hours to be at the wedding in the first place.
So, she asked people on social media for their input on how they would handle a similar situation. And boy, howdy, did they have some things to say.
The backlash to Moore's video was immediate and nearly unanimous.
"This video backfired, and I’m loving it," one commenter wrote, and with very few exceptions, that seemed to be the overriding tone of the response to Moore's video.
While some agreed that it was odd that the wedding caterer couldn't find something for a vegan to eat, many found Moore's expectations not only unrealistic but entitled, especially given all the moving parts that go into a wedding day.
Several asked why she didn't just go pick up the food herself as asked. One fellow vegan said she "would have never let people worry about that on their big day." Another with celiac disease said, "I NEVER expect special meals at weddings; I eat beforehand & bring snacks."
Others were far more direct. "Your gift should have been an RSVP, no," one commenter sniped, while others called her "NUTS" and said the video made them feel like they were in "the Twilight Zone."
Moore doubled down, saying the backlash was the result of 'unhealed trauma,' 'patriarchy,' and 'colonialism' on the part of her detractors.
In a follow-up video, Moore vociferously defended herself and added more context to the situation. Not only was it her brother's wedding, but the bride was one of her best friends. And the wedding coordinator, who wouldn't help her? It's her sister.
"My brother already… didn't really have complete faith in my sister like coming through on everything, and she didn't," she said. "It was a lack of consideration."
She defended her expectations, saying that relationships are inherently "transactional" and that she expects people to "reciprocate" what she gives them. "The love is always there, but like I'm going to give you what you give me." And she had a very fiery take on the origins of people's disagreement with her approach.
"Some of y'all responses are really rooted in patriarchy and colonialism," she went on to say. "So, like, let's just maybe explore that… I'm not the caretaker for anyone else. Asking me to do extra labor is absurd when I am a guest."
In the end, she decided that her attendance, the long drive, and the $500 spent on travel, clothing, and hair for the wedding were enough, and she and her daughter left after the ceremony.
Her response left many theorizing that family drama and sibling rivalry were actually at the root of this conflict.
"It's giving last born; it's giving me the youngest child, spoiled brat," another TikToker, @bodacious_bobo, said in a response video. "Because you expected your sister … to drop everything, like she is not there officially on business taking care of this wedding, to go and pick you up some [Chinese food]? Like what?"
She went on to theorize that the wedding coordinator was probably the oldest child, given the way birth order tends to play out in family dynamics, and many others agreed. "I SAID THE SAME THING!" one commenter wrote. "This family dynamic is giving; she's the baby."
Others posited that there was full-on sibling rivalry at play. "She's mad she wasn't invited to be involved in the wedding like the sister," one person wrote.
And as for that "patriarchy" and "colonialism" part? Well, suffice it to say that didn't go over very well either. "It’s all our fault we don’t agree with her even after she wanted feedback," one user sarcastically sniped in response.
Sometimes, our familiarity with siblings, coupled with family dynamics, can make us feel comfortable making demands we'd never make of people with whom we have more casual relationships. Sometimes, that's appropriate. Other times, it's not.
The consensus seems to be this is definitely the latter. For most viewers, the uproar came down to two simple points: Weddings are not about guests, and dietary restrictions are not others' responsibility. As one commenter bluntly put it, "She’s bugging. I would have been like, 'eat air.'"
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics.