Kids Whose Parents Had Zero Capacity For Joy Often Carry 6 Traits Into Adulthood
cottonbro studio | Pexels When a happy childhood is nonexistent, kids often develop unhealthy traits as adults.
For kids who grew up in a home with parents who lacked the ability to feel or show joy, those negative emotions became contagious and can end up affecting their own overall happiness when they grow up.
Traits kids raised by parents with zero capacity for joy often carry into adulthood
1. They often feel guilty
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Even during moments that should be happy, kids raised by parents without a capacity for joy tend to feel afraid. Growing up, their parents' moods controlled the whole house, so they learned quickly that expressing even the smallest amount of joy was unacceptable.
As adults, they still struggle with feelings of guilt for any emotional expression. Even in times of celebration, they hide their emotions. And if they do let themselves feel happiness, they've overcome with guilt.
2. They can be drawn to more unstable relationships
Because they were often not allowed to express an ounce of joy at home, their adults are often more unsteady. If they do find a partner, they may feel uncomfortable when that person is stable emotionally or even affectionate. They're used to the opposite.
They might gravitate towards partners who are similar to their parents and find a sense of comfort in it. This can lead to them entering more toxic relationships than average.
Psychotherapist Marni Feurman explained that "Insecure attachment is marked by a lack of trust and a reliable support system. Individuals with an insecure style may act in anxious, ambivalent, or unpredictable ways." It likely explains why these folks are so susceptible to unhealthy relationship dynamics.
3. They can seen quiet and keep to themselves a lot
Without learning how to regulate their emotions, these kids may form unhealthy responses as adults. If someone tries to interact with them, they might stay quiet. They don't always put enough emotional energy into an interaction, and so socializing can feel uncomfortable a lot of the time.
With the impact that isolation can have on a person's well-being, they just fall deeper and deeper into loneliness.
4. They internalize blame
With a parent doesn't have a lot of capacity for joy, kids can internalize this as their fault or think that they did something wrong. They might blame themselves, and that kind of thing can stick with them as they grow up.
If someone in their life is unhappy, they might blame themselves even if it isn't their fault. They can be very sensitive to any sort of criticism and often apologize for no reason.
5. They feel stuck
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For people who have unhappy parents, they likely never heard the end of it at home growing up. So now, as adults, any sense of joy they feel is quickly overcome with feelings of not being good enough.
This feeling can often hold them back from moving forward in a productive way. They were raised by joyless parents, and likely become joyless themselves.
6. They long for approval
Despite the lack of approval they received from their parents, who probably never had a good thing to say, they still want to be accepted and validated. This desire can be so strong that it leads to them placing themselves in very bad situations.
They might do things they usually wouldn't just to gain favor. The harm of seeking approval is that you change yourself to appease others. You tie your self-worth to approval, rather than looking inward.
Allison Peterson is a writer with a degree in English, Writing from the University of Nevada, Reno. She contributes to YourTango through her works on love, lifestyle, and relationship topics.
