If You’re Tired Of Repeating The Same Painful Family Patterns, Here’s 7 Ways To Break Them
The only one who can break the cycle is you.
Giama22 | Shutterstock Every family has traditions, good or bad, that are passed down over the years. Some of those customs are helpful to the new generations, while others repeat the same dysfunction over and over. A toxic family history can be detrimental to the progress of your descendants.
This is called a generational curse, which is a curse passed from one generation to the next. It is a long-standing bad luck that has permeated your family and has the potential to impact both your personal and professional development. There are many different kinds of generational curses. Poverty, anger, and dependency are just a few of the negative things that can seep into the roots of your family tree.
If you’re tired of repeating the same painful family patterns, here are 7 ways to break them:
1. Air the dirty laundry
BearFotos / Shutterstock
It’s not uncommon for families to bury secrets and trauma. The history of abuse, neglect, or dysfunctionality is too hurtful or embarrassing to bring to light. So, everyone talks around the issues instead of openly discussing them.
For many, the act of speaking openly about what has been hidden is, in itself, a powerful and liberating act. Research has concluded that it challenges the shame and guilt that often fuel secrecy and gives a person permission to create a healthier story for themselves.
Those days are done. It’s time to lift the veil and free your family from suffering from the same things in the future. Expose your abuser, confront the past, and lay all of the ugly truth on the table.
2. Recognize patterns in your family
Goksi / Shutterstock
If the same thing that happened to your great-grandmother happened to your grandmother, then your mother, and now you, there is a clear pattern jumping from one generation to another. Recognizing a pattern gives you the power to choose how to respond to it, research has argued. You can either continue the pattern, reject it by doing the opposite, or integrate it in a new, healthier direction.
Break the mold by putting your foot down, being transparent, and putting protections into place so no one in your bloodline has to suffer the same abuses, patterns, and traumas that you and your ancestors did.
3. Take accountability
fizkes / Shutterstock
Some generational curses could have been avoided had someone along the line taken accountability and ensured they did not pass it along. If you are contributing to the perpetuation of curses coursing through your DNA, take accountability for your actions to open the doors of change.
A 2023 study concluded that accountability is a forward-looking process centered on growth and empowerment. It involves recognizing your part in a situation, acknowledging the impact of your actions, and taking steps to make amends and learn from the experience.
4. Pray or meditate
Bricolage / Shutterstock
Once you are aware of the generational curses in your family, prayer or meditation can help repel them and embark on new ways of doing things. Through prayer, we can connect with the spiritual realm and heal the curses that have been put in our lives.
A 2019 study explained that prayers can help make individuals less defensive and more open to examining their own role in family patterns. Meditation also increases self-awareness by creating mental stability and reducing intrusive thoughts.
5. Learn to forgive
YAKOBCHUK VIACHESLAV / Shutterstock
Forgiveness is a strong catalyst in breaking the ties that bind you to the sins of the past. To forgive someone is more for you than it is for them. By processing and forgiving the pain inflicted by family members, individuals can stop reenacting these harmful behaviors. Research has shown that the capacity to forgive can act as a buffer against the transmission of dating violence witnessed during childhood.
Hate and anger create negative energy in your mind and body. By releasing those feelings of anguish and thoughts of vengeance, you allow positive vibes to enter your life and break the chains that kept you stuck.
6. Break away from negative people, places, things, and situations
ShotPrime Studio / Shutterstock
Generational curses can be associated with certain people, things that have happened in our lives, or places that conjure up bad memories or experiences. Break away from anything that doesn’t make your life better. This could be vices like drugs and alcohol, people like family and friends, or places that simply bring you down.
Setting and enforcing boundaries, which can include limiting contact with family members or avoiding certain situations, is a crucial act of self-preservation. Research by The Gottman Institute explained that this helps individuals protect their emotional and physical energy, giving them space to heal.
7. Do the work
fizkes / Shutterstock
The most important part of breaking a generational curse is to do the work, a 2017 study stresses. Those who came before you were not able to do certain things for you due to limitations imposed on them.
You have been blessed not to have the same strongholds on your life that they did. The road will be long and hard, but you have a lot of ground to make up. So, air the dirty laundry, address the patterns, and do the work to create new ones.
No matter what anyone else has done or not done in the past, your present and future are your responsibility, and yours alone. Once you know that no one has control over your life but you, breaking generational curses will be easy.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
