Experts Reveal The 2 Things Today’s Parents Are Overwhelmed By That 80s & 90s Parents Rarely Even Talked About
fizkes | Canva Parenting has always been hard, but it hasn't always been this loud. Today's moms and dads are raising kids in a world of constant notifications and societal pressure to optimize everything from sleep schedules to snack choices.
Meanwhile, many '80s and '90s parents were figuring it out with far less drama — and far less public scrutiny. The overwhelming mental load modern parents feel isn't about loving their kids less; it's about carrying pressure previous generations didn't have to process (or even think about) in real time.
The two things today's parents are overwhelmed by that '80s and '90s parents rarely even talked about, according to experts:
1. 'My child gets angry and upset when I take their iPad/tablet away.'
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A study explored how screens trigger a child’s nervous system much in the same way addictive substances interact with anyone’s system because screens directly stimulate the “reward center” of the brain. To counter the ill behaviors parents find so frustrating, which are essential withdrawal symptoms, the first thing we need to do is drastically reduce screen time and increase activities that engage both the mind and the whole body.
Activities like spending time in nature, hiking, playing sports, or riding bikes and scooters outside, engaging in imaginative play that includes dress up and lots of body movement. Think: dressing up as a teacher and teaching school, pretending to be a pirate, or imagining you’re Olympic athletes training for the gold. These are wonderful ways to stop the screen withdrawal and make shifting gears easier for everyone.
Another great way to solve this problem is by limiting your screen time and increasing your direct play time, listening time, talking time, or just-being-silly-with-your-kids time because there’s a lot of truth in the adage of “monkey see, monkey do."
The best way to solve this increasingly common problem is to find activities that bring you and your kids joy, which also include these three key elements more often than you practice anything on a screen: plug into nature, move your body a lot, and practice presence: of mind, of body, of speech, and of behavior. — Vicy Wilkinson, board-certified life coach
2. 'Why does my child do what I just told them not to do?'
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For example, I see them running and say, “Don’t run, you’ll fall!” And sure enough, they run and fall! I thump my forehead, like “Duh! I just told you not to do that!” The reason your child does this is that you are describing the behavior you don’t want them to do and just putting a “Don’t, No, Stop, or Quit” before it.
Some say the mind operates in pictures, so it doesn’t hear negative commands and is more likely to do what it sees. So whatever picture you create in children’s minds is what they are most likely to do. So to fix this common challenge, all you have to do is describe a picture of the behavior you want to see, and teach the child how to do what you want if they don’t know. In this example, saying “Walk!” or “Watch where you are walking,” “Watch your feet,” or “Walk carefully” will all do. — Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE, President of Parents Toolshop Consulting
Aria Gmitter is YourTango's Senior Editor. She graduated from the Midwestern School of Astrology and has been a practical astrologer for 40 years.
