Success Expert Says Your Kids Don’t Need More Love, But Here’s What They Do Need
It's not what you expect.
Agung Pandit Wiguna | Pexels Good parents want to make sure they're giving their children everything they need. From unconditional love and support to the best guidance and tools to grow into kind and confident adults. However, some parents can find themselves caught up in all of the things and simply forget an extremely important aspect of raising tiny humans.
In a TikTok video, a success expert named Scott Clary pointed out the one thing that parents can sometimes forget, and it truly has nothing to do with the amount of love that they're giving their kids. According to Clary, the most important thing kids need is to see their parents living a good life — a life that they can and should emulate.
A success expert said kids don't need more love, they need to see their parents 'living a life worth copying.'
"I wish more people would understand what a good parent actually is," Clary began in his video. "Their kids don't need more activities, don't need more gifts. And to be honest, they're probably getting a ton of love, and they don't even need more of that."
Clary explained that what kids need more than anything else from their parents is to see them living a life that's worth copying. They need someone to look up to, especially when it comes to their goals and ambitions.
Kids learn by example.
Think about your life right now. Are you happy in your job? Are you happy with how much time you are able to spend having fun with your family? Do you feel worn down and disillusioned? Now, think about how you'd feel if your kids were living your current life. Would you want that for them?
If you're showing up to your child's tournaments every Saturday looking and feeling exhausted, it's teaching them that success means sacrificing your well-being. Certified Family Life Educator Kylie Rymanowicz explained, "Children learn and imitate behaviors by watching and listening to others. This is sometimes called 'observational learning,' when children can learn things simply by observing others." She went on to say, "You are your child’s first and most important teacher. They are watching and learning from you each and every day, whether or not you intend to teach them. Show them kindness and love, model compassion and helpfulness, and teach them positive ways of interacting with people and the world around them."
It truly doesn't matter how present you are in your child's life and how emotionally available you are to them if you aren't taking care of yourself; your children will notice that. Clary pointed out that parents need to actively work on showing their kids what it means to live a good life, have boundaries, pursue goals, love their partner, and just enjoy being an adult.
Too many parents are experiencing high levels of burnout.
According to research from The Ohio State University, the pressure to try to be “perfect” is unhealthy for both parents and their children. An estimated 57% of parents reported feeling burned out. This burnout can lead parents to self-isolate because they don't feel like they have the energy to maintain relationships outside of their family. Two out of three parents say the demands of parenthood sometimes or frequently make them feel lonely.
Caleb Oquendo | Pexels
What does that teach kids? It teaches them that being a successful adult means putting yourself last. It means sacrificing your health, well-being, and family for the perfect house and likes on Instagram. Sure, work ethic is important, taking pride in your accomplishments is important, but maintaining a healthy work-life balance is essential. Teaching kids how to cultivate and maintain relationships, how to flourish as a contributing member of society, and how to build community and joy are even more important.
That's why parents must practice self-care. They have to model that time away from kids and the responsibilities that come with being a caretaker to focus on hobbies, and even to focus on the love between spouses is essential for a happy life. You simply can't pour love into your children if you aren't filling up your own cup first.
"I know that parents are busy with working and being a parent, but self-care can be modeled through how you talk to yourself. It is crucial for a parent to practice self-compassion and be aware of their individual needs before they can fully show up for their children," explained child and adolescent therapist Hannah Leib. "Go take care of yourself!"
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
