Parents Who Make Their Kids Feel Loved Even When They're Exhausted Do These 10 Small Things
DragonImages | Canva Every parent wants to connect with their children in a meaningful way, but this desire often conflicts with the reality of their stressed and busy lives. Every parent wants to connect with their children in a meaningful way, but this desire often conflicts with the reality of their stressed and busy lives.
Some of us have multiple kids, some have a full-time demanding job, everyone has housework and paperwork, and loads of other work on our plates. Instead of waiting until you’re less busy to have some quality time with your kids (since, spoiler alert: you may never be less busy), here are some ways to bond with your kids when you feel completely tapped out.
Parents who make their kids feel loved even when they’re exhausted do these 10 small things:
1. They connect over movie nights
Instead of watching whatever the kids would pick, you can bond over watching movies that you used to like as a child. You will likely have to explain a lot about the world when you watch movies that predate your children, such as the lack of cell phones, which are also learning and bonding opportunities.
For instance, I watched Gone With The Wind with my kids and had to explain a lot about slavery and racism; this is an ideal learning opportunity and one which takes less time and effort than reading a book about these issues (do this too, of course, but this post is about what to do when you’re feeling exhausted and unlikely to read a book aloud).
2. They look through old photos together
Colin + Med / Unsplash+
If you have Google Photos or even (gasp!) photo albums, going through these with your kids is something they never tire of. There is the added benefit of feeling even closer and connected when you remember special events, like birthday parties or holidays, or the day you brought home your deaf dog (this will only apply to me and some of you, but you can replace “deaf dog” with any other pet).
3. They invite their kids into everyday chores
Kids like to help out, and it is much easier for me and some other Type A parents out there to bond and converse with your kids when you know that you are simultaneously doing something productive that you have to do anyway. If you are cooking or folding laundry, your kids can help you. They learn about the value of teamwork in a family while also having the opportunity to tell you all about their day.
4. They play short, low-effort games
I cannot stomach Monopoly unless I am 100% relaxed and full of energy, since it is approximately 7 hours long (or feels that way when a 5-year-old is involved). That means there are barely any times that I will consent to play it.
However, there are many very, very brief games that parents can squeeze in during the day that take very minimal energy and that kids still find fun. Examples that we like include: tic tac toe, hangman, dots and boxes, Geography, and Connect 4 (the only one on that list that even requires a board).
5. They tell stories about their own childhood
Seljan Salimova / Unsplash
Kids love to hear stories about your childhood or your youth in general, particularly if they are either funny or involve you failing spectacularly at something (combine both for the most uproarious story). Many parents don’t tell their kids much of anything about their pasts, and this is a disservice to children who want to know about them.
Stories only take a couple of minutes to tell, and your kids remember many of them forever. Side benefit: if you make a conscious effort to tell your kids stories from your childhood or adolescence on a regular basis, especially if they involve you messing up at something, they will feel more comfortable telling you about their own issues and failings both now and later in life.
6. They bring their kids along on errands
Take your children with you on your errands if possible; it is a great bonding time for stressed parents because, like the housework one, you have to get this stuff done anyway, and you can multitask productivity with hanging out and talking.
Many time parents leave their kids at home or at aftercare while they do errands, thinking they are saving the child from something onerous, and then feel regretful at the end of the night that they didn’t have much quality time with their children that day. Everything can be framed positively; if you consider going grocery shopping together as “bonding time,” then your kid will learn to think this way as well.
7. They read side by side
Not reading aloud but reading your own books side by side (for older children, of course). Every so often, you can share something interesting that you are reading about. This has an excellent benefit of modeling how fun reading is for your kids; kids do as you do, not as you say.
In my home, reading is thought of as fun because I am always reading; it was the same for me in my house growing up. And of course, read out loud to your kids, but I don’t always have the bandwidth for that, and reading in parallel can be a good alternative.
8. They leave little notes
Dhaya Eddine Bentaleb / Pexels
If the whole day passed and you didn’t connect with your child, you can write them a little note or letter and leave it under their note or at their spot at the table for them to see the next day at breakfast. While this is not technically bonding with your child in real time, it is something to make you feel close and that your child can keep and hold on to. It is also a way for less emotionally expressive parents to be more expressive in words than they find it comfortable to be in person.
9. They involve their kids in real-life responsibilities
Again, this falls in the category of multitasking by getting stuff done with your kids that you have to get done anyway. But I will tell you that my 9-year-old loves to help by writing out a check for me, mailing bills, and so forth. This has an added benefit of helping your kids see the way that you handle money, modeling financial responsibility, and so forth. No adult has ever said, “Boy, I sure regret that my parents taught me about finances at a young age!”
10. They share screen time instead of isolating with it
If all else fails, you can sit there with your child and look through your social media. There are often friends' and family’s accounts that they want to see, and funny memes and the like. I mean, we are glued to our phones too much anyway, so if you are too tired to do much else, and the options are look at your phone with your child or do it yourself while your child watches TV, I say that the former is a much better bonding experience than the latter.
Parenting can be a slog, but your kids are only young once (I know, I know, but it’s true), and at the end of each day, it is good to feel that you had at least a couple of positive, close, connected moments with them.
Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, aka Dr. Psych Mom, is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the founder of DrPsychMom. She works with adults and couples in her group practice, Best Life Behavioral Health.
