Parents Who Raise Less Anxious Kids Usually Say 20 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Yavdat | Shutterstock It happens to every child in one form or another: anxiety. As parents, we want to shield our children from life’s anxious moments, but navigating anxiety — and raising less anxious kids as a result — is an essential life skill that will serve them in the years to come.
What parents need to know is how to calm an anxious child when it happens. In the heat of the moment, these simple phrases help your children identify, accept, and work through their anxious moments.
Parents who raise kids who are a lot less anxious say these phrases casually:
1. 'Can you draw it?'
Drawing, painting, or doodling about anxiety provides kids with an outlet for their feelings when they can’t use their words.
2. 'I love you and you're safe'
Being told that you will be kept safe by the person you love the most is a powerful affirmation. Remember, anxiety makes your children feel as if their minds and bodies are in danger. Repeating that they are safe can soothe the nervous system.
3. 'Let’s pretend we’re blowing up a giant balloon'
"We’ll take a deep breath and blow it up to the count of five." If you tell a child to take a deep breath in the middle of a panic attack, chances are you’ll hear, "I CAN’T!" Instead, make it a game. Pretend to blow up a balloon, making funny noises in the process. Taking three deep breaths and blowing them out will reverse the stress response in the body and may even get you a few giggles in the process.
4. 'I want you to say this exactly as I do: I can do this'
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Do this 10 times at variable volume. Marathon runners use this trick all of the time to get past "the wall."
5. 'Why do you think that is?'
This is especially helpful for older kids who can better articulate the "Why" in what they're feeling.
6. 'What will happen next?'
If your children are anxious about an event, help them think through the event and identify what will come after it. Anxiety causes myopic vision, which makes life after the event seem to disappear.
7. 'We are an unstoppable team'
Separation is a powerful anxiety trigger for young children. Reassure them that you will work together, even if they can’t see you.
8. 'I am a warrior!'
Have a battle cry: 'I am unstoppable!' or 'Look out, world, here I come!' There is a reason why movies show people yelling before they go into battle. The physical act of yelling replaces fear with endorphins. It can also be fun.
9. 'If how you feel was a monster, what would it look like?'
Giving anxiety a characterization means you take a confusing feeling and make it concrete and palpable. Once kids have a worry character, they can talk about their worry.
10. 'I can’t wait until _____'
Excitement about a future moment is contagious.
11. 'Let’s put your worry on the shelf while we _____'
"Then we’ll pick it back up again." Kids who are anxiety-prone often feel as though they have to carry their anxiety until whatever they are anxious about is over. This is especially difficult when your children are anxious about something they cannot change in the future. Setting it aside to do something fun can help put their worries into perspective.
12. 'This feeling will pass'
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"Let’s get comfortable until it does." The act of getting comfortable calms the mind as well as the body. Weightier blankets have even been shown to reduce anxiety by increasing mild physical stimuli.
13. 'Let’s learn more about it'
Let your children explore their fears by asking as many questions as they need. After all, knowledge is power.
14. 'Let’s count'
This distraction technique requires no preparation. Counting the number of people wearing boots, the number of watches, the number of kids, or the number of hats in the room requires observation and thought, both of which detract from the anxiety your child is feeling.
15. 'I need you to tell me when two minutes have gone by'
Time is a powerful tool when children are anxious. By watching a clock or watching for movement, a child has a focus point other than what is happening.
16. 'Close your eyes. Picture this…'
Visualization is a powerful technique used to ease pain and anxiety. Guide your child through imagining a safe, warm, happy place where they feel comfortable. If they are listening intently, the physical symptoms of anxiety will dissipate.
17. 'I get scared/nervous/anxious sometimes too'
"It’s no fun." Empathy wins in many, many situations. It may even strike up a conversation with your older child about how you overcame anxiety.
18. 'Let’s pull out our calm-down checklist'
Anxiety can hijack the logical brain; carry a checklist with coping skills your child has practiced. When the need presents itself, operate off of this checklist.
19. 'You are not alone in how you feel'
Pointing out all of the people who may share their fears and anxieties helps your child understand that overcoming anxiety is universal.
20. 'Tell me the worst thing that could happen'
Once you’ve imagined the worst possible outcome of the worry, talk about the likelihood of that worst possible situation happening. Next, ask your child about the best possible outcome. Finally, ask them about the most likely outcome. The goal of this exercise is to help a child think more accurately during their anxious experience.
