Mom Questions If She Should Talk To Her Son About His Sexuality After Another Parent Insinuates He Might Be Gay
She was told that her son was getting quite close to one of his friends while at a sleepover.
New Africa / Shutterstock A mom admitted that she's unsure how to approach the topic of sexuality with her son after hearing that he might not be straight.
Posting to the subreddit "r/Parenting," she revealed that her son has gotten quite close to one of his friends and questioned if she should find out if something more romantic is happening within their friendship.
The mom questioned if she should talk to her son about his sexuality after another parent insinuated that he might be gay.
In her Reddit post, she explained that her 12-year-old son had been at a sleepover with some of his other friends, but during the party, the host mother called her to relay some news that she felt she should know about. She insisted that her son might be closer to one of his friends compared to the others.
She implied that her son might either be gay or acting inappropriately with his friend, providing examples that she'd noticed throughout the slumber party. She claimed that her son and his friend were sitting in the same chair when there was plenty of other seating, cuddling and walking with their arms wrapped around each other.
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"Now, I know they are close, but I’ve never picked up on this. I actually just found out my son has a girlfriend, which I picked up on when he was sitting on the phone with a random girl for hours at a time suddenly," she recalled. She admitted that she wants to address this with her son since it's time they have "the talk," but has inquired what would be the best way to approach and discuss it with him.
She pointed out that she wants her son to feel as if he can come and talk to her about anything. "I guess I was just looking for some outlooks on how best to approach this."
At only 12 years old, children are still discovering who they are and the identities they feel most comfortable with.
Because of this, her son might not completely understand or have fully formed an understanding of his own sexuality. Attempting to push the topic prematurely might end up doing more harm than good and cause him to feel uncomfortable with himself and how he acts around his friends.
Just because he has a close friendship with another boy doesn't necessarily mean there are any romantic feelings there at all.
Photo: Din Mohd Yaman / Shutterstock
In fact, assuming that her son might be gay would just be another way of perpetuating stereotypes by suggesting that any emotional connection between two boys is abnormal or indicative of homosexuality. Just as other Redditors pointed out in the comments, if it were two little girls, no one would think twice about it.
Friends can be close. Friends can sit next to each other and put their arms around each other.
Questioning the boy's behavior invalidates the significance of platonic relationships, which are just as, if not more, important than romantic ones. By confronting her son, he might start to feel as if he shouldn't be showing any affection to his male friends, which, in turn, might make him think that he needs to be a certain version of a boy and then later a man, because of the way society has dictated it.
People suggested she shouldn't address this topic with her son and leave him alone.
In response to the information that the other mother relayed to her about her son, many people agreed that it was wrong of her to insert herself and make assumptions about a little boy's sexuality, especially one that wasn't her son in the first place.
"I would make sure my child knew that if an adult ever makes him uncomfortable with invasive questioning or if he feels weird or strange around them, regardless if it's a mom or a dad or some other adult in the house, I will come and pick him up no questions asked," one Reddit user wrote.
Another user added, "It bothers me that this parent is observing these children's interactions of 'sitting close' as something that could be potentially inappropriate enough to warrant a call to a parent in the middle of a slumber party."
They continued, saying if this mom feels strongly about bringing it up, she should do it ambiguously and ask how he feels about relationships and if he has any questions, but not alluding to anything that his friend's mother insinuated about his sexuality.
"I might bring up a conversation, due to it being completely age-appropriate timing — asking if he had any questions about relationships. If he noticed any kids at school if they were forming relationships, and if he had any questions about it. And just answer the questions he had — put it out there that if he had any questions he could come to you about it and that your door is always open. I wouldn’t suggest anything otherwise."
At the end of the day, if her son is gay, he will come out to her in his own time and on his own terms. Going to him prematurely and making comments to him about his sexuality might either push him further into the closet or cause him to look at the friendships he has with other boys as something he shouldn't be doing. What matters most is ensuring her son feels loved, accepted, and free to be himself, regardless of his sexuality.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.