This Mom Is Trying To Reverse 10 Years Of Gentle Parenting After Seeing What It’s Done To Her Kids
Drazen Zigic | Shutterstock As much as parents hope, there really are no instructions on how to parent kids. Every family is different, and what works for certain parents with their kids might not be a universal solution for every single parent. That seemed to be the case for a mom named Jaclyn, who admitted that after years of gentle parenting her children, she noticed that the effects were concerning.
Gentle parenting is a parenting approach that focuses primarily on building a respectful, empathetic relationship between a parent and a child. But for Jaclyn, she explained that she regrets gentle parenting her children for so many years.
A mom is trying to reverse 10 years of gentle parenting after seeing what it's done to her kids.
"I did gentle parenting for years... or so I thought. I validated every emotion, processed feelings extensively, explained every boundary, compromised on things, avoided harsh punishments," Jaclyn began in an Instagram post. "I thought I was doing it right. Then my kids got older."
She explained that she started noticing the results of her kids being gentle-parented in real time, including them becoming anxious about everything, even when it came down to choosing a snack. They were incredibly insecure in their abilities, felt entitled to everything, and also wanted to debate everything. They were even emotionally dysregulated and had constant outbursts.
Ermolaev Alexander | Shutterstock
She noticed that one of her kids had people-pleasing tendencies, was suppressing their real feelings, was constantly absorbed in other people's emotions, and even became withdrawn. At first, Jaclyn assumed it was because they were a teenager, but quickly realized that was not the case.
She admitted that seeing the results of gentle parenting on her kids made her feel sad.
"I had tried SO hard to do everything right... to do things different from what I had growing up," she continued. "Here's what I realized. I wasn't actually doing gentle parenting...I had slipped into permissive parenting without realizing it (a lot of parents do this, there's no shame or guilt allowed here, parenting is HARD)!"
She explained that the things she thought were gentle parenting actually weren't at all, like being so quick to validate their emotions every 20 minutes, making every boundary negotiable, and even compromising too much. To combat this, Jaclyn made sure to switch to authoritative parenting, which emphasized high warmth (lots of connection, validation, empathy) and high structure (clear boundaries, consistent limits, and natural consequences).
While gentle parenting may work for some families, not every parent-child relationship thrives on that kind of parenting style. Just like any kind of parenting style, there will be both pros and cons.
"As much as parents would like a guide that has multiple-choice questions and clear answer keys, parenting isn’t like that. Learning about different techniques and seeing which fit your personality and your family’s style is a good start," encouraged clinical psychologist Mary Ann Little. "No matter where you find your inspiration and knowledge base for parenting, it’s important to recognize that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all response and that unconditional love is the most important element in a strong parent-child relationship."
Jaclyn was able to rectify the mistakes that she made from her attempt at gentle parenting her children, but at the end of the day, it's a reminder that parents really are just doing the best they can with the tools they have. Every family is a work in progress, but it doesn't diminish the love they have for their kids.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
