Mom Struggles To Accept Her Son's ‘Ick’ Hobby — 'It's Just So Weird'
Artush | Shutterstock "Different strokes for different folks," as Sly and the Family Stone famously told us, but it's often hard to be that open-minded when the "folks" in question are your teenage son. And one mom is struggling so mightily to accept her son's "ick" hobby that she wrote into an advice column for guidance.
She's far less judgmental than many (or maybe even most) parents, and has already done admirable work to accept her son's LGBTQ+ identity. But his hobby has taken his "alternative" approach to life to a place she can't quite get her head around.
A mom is struggling to accept her son's 'ick' hobby of being part of the 'furry' subculture.
This mom has really done an incredible job of accepting her son. She wrote to Michelle Herman, Slate's "Care & Feeding" parenting and marital advice columnist, that she and her husband are "accepting" parents of two LGBTQ+ kids and have done everything they can to create a household that is a "safe space" not just for their kids, but all their kids' friends.
But his enthusiasm for the furry community, a subculture that heavily overlaps with artist, writer, and gamer communities, in which people engage in cosplay, dressing up as anthropomorphized animal characters called "fursonas" in elaborate costumes called "fursuits."
Not exactly a mainstream hobby like, say, knitting, that's for sure, but harmless, right? But it's the oddity of it that the mom and her husband are struggling to get past. "My husband and I are still really … I guess you could call it 'icked' by it," she wrote.
The furry subculture is often misunderstood and politicized because of it.
According to experts like University of Waterloo sociologist Dr. Sharon Roberts, who has researched the community extensively, furries are frequently misunderstood and have become political lightning rods as a result.
Remember that whole uproar about the supposed epidemic of kids using litter boxes at school instead of toilets? Yeah, that was utter nonsense stemming from the misconception that the furry community is a sexual one.
Mario Spencer | Pexels | Canva Pro
Dr. Roberts admits she herself thought this until she began her research, and in online forums like Reddit, furries themselves say sexuality is no more a part of the community than any other hobby. Some choose to merge the two, but two members of my book club started sleeping with each other years ago, too (they're married now, in fact). It doesn't actually mean much!
What is consistent across the furry community, according to members and experts alike, is a sense of camaraderie and acceptance. This mom and dad have both witnessed it themselves after taking their son to two conventions. "The whole thing did strike me as super-inclusive and welcoming," she wrote. "But I can’t square this in my mind."
The mom can't decide whether to stop his furry hobby or let him 'do his thing.'
"I keep hoping it’s a phase that’ll pass. But it’s been years at this point," the mom went on to say. "I can’t help thinking that it’s just so weird. But really, is it any weirder than cosplaying as a Star Trek character?"
But, echoing what many parents are probably asking themselves, she can't help but worry. For her part, Herman was blunt in her advice. "I think at 16 the question of 'letting' him do his thing is moot — and also that if you try to keep him from doing that thing, your efforts will backfire," she wrote. Anyone who's ever tried to tell a 16-year-old, well, anything will likely agree.
It's certainly understandable that she's weirded out about it. I'll fall on my sword here and admit that I was, too, until I read Dr. Roberts' work for this article. And there's no real reason for this mom to continue going to conventions if they make her sincerely uncomfortable.
What's actually important is that children, regardless of their age but especially in their teens when they are defining who they are, direly need their parents' support. I have a teen niece who has already been five different versions of herself by age 15. This is part of what adolescence is for.
But clamping down on it can do real, material damage, not just to the parent-child relationship, but to the child's psyche itself. It's unconventional, sure, and perhaps some caution is in order, given that there is an adult side to furrydom to be found out in the wide world of the internet.
But I just Googled it, and there is an entire adult subgenre about real estate agents, too (seriously… a huge one). Are you going to panic if your kid wants to be a realtor too? Hardly! Let him be who he is. You never know: By embracing his unconventionality, you might even learn something about yourself from your discomfort with it.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
