Grandma Warns Other Grandparents Against The 'Innocent' Phrase That Can Rub Parents The Wrong Way
YakobchukOlena | Canva A grandmother issued a PSA for other grandparents, addressing specifically those who overstep their roles as grandma and grandpa.
She encouraged grandparents to keep in mind that their grandchildren are not their children — they are their adult children’s babies, and they always have to abide by and respect their rules.
The grandmother urged other grandparents to refrain from calling their grandchildren ‘my baby’
Content creator @morethangrand uses her platform to share advice on grandparenting. In a recent video, she asked other grandparents if they are guilty of referring to their grandchildren as their babies, using the following phrases as an example:
“Where’s my baby?”
“Let me hold my baby!”
“You are my beautiful baby.”
While you're certainly allowed to love and dote on your grandchildren, it's important to remember they're not your kids
“This is your adult child’s baby,” the woman pointed out, adding that, though the term may seem innocuous, referring to them as “your baby” can make some parents feel uneasy.
“It feels like you’re laying claim to their child," she said. "Even referring to the baby as ‘my grandchild’ when you’re with the parents can signal that you think your relationship with the child is more important than theirs."
She explained that the use of this phrase can also cause parents to worry that you will overstep in other ways.
The grandma suggested other things to say instead when you see your children and grandchildren
“Parents are instinctively possessive of their children, and using words that sound like you’re staking a claim on their baby sets off a primal alarm that there’s a threat,” the woman explained, sharing alternative phrases that don't set off the alarm.
“I’m so glad to see you! Is the baby napping? Let’s catch up before he wakes up!”
“Can I hold her for a while? I’d love to get in some snuggles before I have to go.”
“You are a beautiful baby! Your parents are taking such good care of you.”
Some parents agreed with the grandmother’s claims, while others argued that ‘my baby’ is merely a term of endearment
Some commenters admitted that it does, in fact, make them feel uncomfortable when grandparents refer to their baby as ‘my baby.’ “You explained this really well, I couldn’t articulate why I was feeling insane when people say ‘my baby,’” one user commented.
However, other parents argued that ‘my baby’ is simply a term of endearment, not an attempt to overstep boundaries.
“My parents say this. My sister and I say it to each other's kids. I see it as a show of love, not control. Just depends on the situation,” one user noted.
“I am more than happy to hear people I love refer to my baby as their baby. How lucky he is to be loved that much!" another commenter shared. "I know it’s not for everyone, but I appreciate the sentiment behind it." Others believed that parents who were bothered by others referring to their baby as “my baby” were being “too sensitive.”
However, one woman pointed out that their feelings are completely valid, and that parents who feel this way likely have people in their lives who have overstepped their boundaries before. “It's often part of a larger pattern of entitlement,” user Melissa (@postpartumperplexed) shared in her own video.
“The grandparent has usually been overbearing in other ways. They've been pushy and intrusive and have tried to insert themselves and have not accepted no for an answer," Melissa continued. "So saying 'my baby' can feel like the final straw."
It is important to note that not every parent will feel threatened by their in-laws, friends, or any other significant figures in their life referring to their baby as “my baby.” To them, it is a sign that their baby is well-loved and doted on by many people in their life, and that's okay.
However, it is not okay to continue referring to children who are not yours as your own when their parents have made it clear that it makes them uneasy. At the end of the day, parents call the shots when it comes to who is around their babies and what people can say to them and do with them.
Grandparents, you had your turn to be parents. Now, step aside and let your children experience it for themselves.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, love, and relationships.
