If You Felt Overlooked Often As A Child, You Likely Have 11 Near-Daily Frustrations As An Adult
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock While kids are meant to be guided and nurtured by their parents, not everyone's childhood turned out this way. In fact, your childhood may have left invisible scars, and it may not have hit you until very recently or once you became an adult. Emotional neglect is a form of trauma and can affect people mentally, physically, and emotionally. Unfortunately, this trauma can lead to health and emotional response problems, and make even the most
When you think about growing up and how your parents made you feel, you might realize that you faced neglect. And if you felt overlooked often as a child, you likely have certain near-daily frustrations as an adult that can make your life difficult to navigate on your own. But once you can understand your trauma, you'll have a much better time healing it, preventing your trauma responses from interfering in your relationships and overall well-being.
If you felt overlooked often as a child, you likely have 11 near-daily frustrations as an adult
1. You have trouble expressing your emotions
Wasana Kunpol | Shutterstock
As an overlooked child, you never learned to fully express yourself due to the criticism you faced at the hands of your parents or guardians. You were told your feelings weren't important and your worries were insignificant. As such, you've developed into an adult who doesn't quite understand how to open up to others.
As neglected children turn into adults, they have an increased risk of being low-income, and developing psychiatric disorders and mental health issues. Neglected children also have problems relating to peers, changing the way they express emotions. As an adult, this can feel incredibly frustrating, as you struggle to tell others how you truly feel.
2. You suffer from low self-esteem
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
If you felt overlooked often as a child, you likely suffer from self-esteem issues as an adult. Because you were made to feel invisible, were ignored, and your emotional needs were never met, you didn't learn what it meant to believe in yourself. And because your parents didn't uplift you or make you feel good about yourself, feeling comfortable in your own skin was never an option.
You're an adult with insecurity problems, constantly criticizing yourself and being unhappy with the person you are today. Unfortunately, as a study published in BMC Psychiatry explained, psychological maltreatment during childhood can create low self-esteem in adolescence, which can then remain as someone moves into adulthood.
3. You're afraid of being abandoned
Alika Key | Shutterstock
Growing up as a child who is constantly overlooked, you turn into an adult who has an uncontrollable fear of abandonment. Perhaps you become overly attached to people, fall victim to catastrophic thinking, or are hyper-critical of individuals you meet. And it's extremely damaging to your relationships.
Humans need connection and socialization to thrive, which is why you might naturally gravitate towards certain groups, because you want to feel like you belong. But like anything in life, there needs to be balance. When you find yourself abandoning your own needs in favor of others', it indicates that your childhood is affecting you in adulthood.
4. You're a perfectionist
Wasana Kunpol | Shutterstock
Perfectionism can quickly consume your life, especially if you were a child who was neglected. Back then, you were denied reassurance from your parents and constantly criticized. And now, as a result, you have a fear of making mistakes, so you're incredibly adamant about everything being perfect to avoid conflict.
According to psychologist Jessica Koehler, kids who grew up with perfectionist parents have an increased risk of developing anxiety, stress, depression, and low self-esteem. They're constantly racing to meet their parents' unrealistic expectations, becoming overwhelmed when they "fail."
5. You're bad at setting healthy boundaries
fizkes | Shutterstock
Growing up, you desperately tried to set healthy boundaries with your parents, only to be met with firm scoldings and dismissive hand gestures. Because of this, you stopped expressing yourself and the boundaries you needed to thrive mentally.
As an adult, you struggle with voicing your comfortability levels, and often feel unsafe in your personal relationships. People may trample all over your boundaries, but you let them, because you don't know any different.
According to psychologist Helene Brenner and couples therapist Larry Letich, feeling unsafe leads to overwhelm and feeling frightened by yourself and others. It can cause you to pull away, leading to a diminished mental health and relationship satisfaction.
6. You have difficulty trusting others
fizkes | Shutterstock
If you felt overlooked as a child, you likely turned into an adult who can't trust anyone. You may have grown up emotionally abandoned and left to fend for yourself, while the adults around you went on with their daily lives. As a result, you don't know how to depend on others, let alone trust them.
A 2021 study revealed that people who experienced childhood maltreatment have lower levels of trust. So, as an adult, you struggle to develop meaningful connections with others, as you simply won't let yourself be vulnerable. As hard as it may be, do your best to be aware of your trauma responses. Understanding where they stem from can make it much easier to work through and heal.
7. You have unhealthy coping skills
Rachata Teyparsit | Shutterstock
As a child, there was a lack of guidance from your parents, especially when it came to dealing with your emotions. Rather than offering a calm, safe space to express how you were feeling, you were left to figure life out all on your own, leaving you unable to cope with emotional extremes.
Research published in Harvard Review of Psychiatry found that childhood trauma is associated with a reduced ability to understand and regulate emotions. For you, it means you've created unhealthy coping mechanisms and might engage in risky behaviors to calm your nerves. You might also bury yourself in work, believing it's saving your anxiety.
8. You struggle with intimacy
fizkes | Shutterstock
Growing up, your parents likely denied you any physical affection, which surely turned you into an adult who struggles with intimacy. Because physical touch and affection are essential to the well-being and psychosocial functioning of humans, especially from a young age, it may feel like your own development is stunted in certain areas.
As an adult, it's increasingly difficult to receive love and intimate connections, especially in romantic relationships. You may fear getting touchy-feely with your partner, or are uncomfortable expressing affection. In turn, your partner may begin to feel unloved, creating a rift in your relationship.
9. You self-sabotage
voronaman | Shutterstock
Self-sabotaging behaviors might cause you to cut off a healthy relationship or ruin a perfectly good job opportunity, all because of the way you were raised. Self-sabotaging behaviors start off as a protection mechanism. Your brain doesn't like the unfamiliar and believes it's unsafe, so to protect you, your brain unconsciously looks for ways to let go of those triggers.
As board-certified psychiatrist Ryan Sultan pointed out, "If, during childhood, an individual was consistently criticized, neglected, or made to feel inadequate, they might internalize those beliefs. Childhood trauma might lead us to feel insecure or anxious or fearful about being liked or letting other people down. This can make it more likely that we will self-sabotage, as we put other people's needs before our own."
10. You over-explain to avoid feeling misunderstood
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock
Because you grew up feeling overlooked, being misunderstood often felt like being invisible. And now, as an adult, this can show up as a tendency to over-explain yourself, making sure there's no way someone could misinterpret or dismiss you. Unfortunately, the practice of over-explaining is exhausting and makes even simple conversations feel high-stakes.
"Often, people over-explain when they worry that they are not being heard, understood, or believed... this behavior has a root in childhood trauma experiences, particularly in people who have a history of emotional neglect," psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis explained.
11. You expect disappointment before it happens
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
Because you were raised by parents who ignored or minimized your needs, as an adult you've lowered your expectations. You have a quiet but persistent belief that things won't go your way, whether it's someone not caring about you in ways you hope or your support system not showing up for you in times of need. It's not always an obvious thought; rather, sometimes it's just a subtle emotional attitude of bracing yourself, even in situations that could turn out positively.
As spiritual counselor and intuitive coach Sunny Lynn describes it, "As an adult, being disappointed can become something that devastates us totally, can bring our world to a crashing halt, and threatens to close in around us with such darkness and ferocity that we are unsure if we will ever recover." This type of thinking limits your ability to fully experience connection and joy.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and trending topics.
