Kids Raised By Parents Who Were A Little Too Involved In Their Lives Usually Carry 5 Habits Into Adulthood
Mikhail Nilov | Pexels Our childhoods don't always end as we enter adulthood, especially if we're still recovering from overbearing parents.
Kids who grew up with parents who were overly involved in their lives tend to develop unhealthy habits as they grow into adults. According to counselor and psychotherapist Ellie Rose, there are consistent issues that result from an upbringing with "really overbearing, really emotionally messy parents."
Habits kids carry into adulthood when they're raised by parents who were overly involved in their lives
1. They're anxious
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When parents try to control every aspect of their kid's life, they create anxiety and stress. In fact, a 2021 study found that kids and teens with controlling parents had a hard time forming relationships as adults.
"What we found was that kids who had parents who displayed more over-controlling behavior tended to struggle in tasks that require assertiveness and independence and autonomy throughout development," Emily Loeb, lead author of the study, explained.
Anxiety can be a hard thought pattern to break free from, yet Rose shared a valuable lesson on how to do so. She advised that people be gentle and reparent themselves in order to break free from these learned behaviors.
She observed that people raised by parents like this struggled to trust their own decisions, and leaned toward anxiety instead of self-assurance. "They didn't know how to make decisions for themselves," Rose said. "They didn't know how to trust themselves, and they were all around just a very high-functioning anxious mess on the inside."
2. They have low self-esteem
Even if overbearing, controlling parents have their children's best interests in mind, the way they go about it can cause long-term damage. When their parents act this way, they don't let their kids build personal independence or make their own choices.
Parents are robbing their kids of the chance to learn from their mistakes and grow from them. They aren't letting them build confidence on their own or things for themselves. And that can stunt them in their youth and when they become adults.
"While parents may want to do all they can to make sure their children do not suffer in life, they ironically stifle their kids by being too controlling. Overprotecting can also limit a child's opportunities to explore, learn, and make mistakes, which are all important for their growth and development," psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein said.
3. They don't take risks
Not being allowed to take calculated risks as a teenager or as a child can create a lack of trust in a person. But when they become adults, they may also be averse to risk-taking, even if it helps them in the long run.
As Rose stated, "The adolescent brain is actually wired to seek new experiences, to push back against the norm, and to end up in risky situations... it's actually a neurobiological thing."
Rather than parents trying to control every part of their kid's life, Rose discussed safe ways to encourage risks. "You don't just let your kids do whatever they want, but if you weren't ever allowed to push those boundaries a little bit, take some risks, still have the warmth and support of your family, even when you [mess] up," she said.
4. They don't trust themselves
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Perhaps the most detrimental part of parents who are overly involved in their child's life is that they end up teaching them to not trust themselves. Unfortunately, some parents don't feel comfortable letting their kids move through challenging stages because of their own anxiety.
Rose shared how to build self-trust as an adult after a lifetime of not cultivating it. "The first thing I'm going to have you do is stop asking everyone for advice," she said. "It's really great if you have supportive people in your life who help you out... But if that's your default and you don't ask yourself any questions or sit and process ever, stop doing that."
Rose said that constantly seeking outside advice is pretty common for people who don't trust themselves. She likened building self-trust to building a muscle, cautioning that people who default to asking for outside advice are "abandoning the self-trust muscle."
5. They see the world as a scary place
Because they were never taught to set their own boundaries or explore their surroundings, adult children of overly involved parents walk through life afraid. Their parents never let them learn how to approach certain situations, so anything that has conflict is terrifying.
According to Harvard professor Arthur Brooks, kids who see the world as dangerous and scary "are less healthy than their peers, more often sad, more likely to be depressed, and less satisfied with their lives. They also tend to dislike their jobs and perform worse than their more positive counterparts."
While the world can feel frightening, parents shouldn't take it upon themselves to lead with fear. It's normal for parents to worry, of course, but trying to prevent failure prevents their kids from being happy, successful adults.
Rose's overarching message hinges on people giving themselves the grace they didn't get as a kid. Because after all, people can change, especially when it comes to how they interact with the world around them and how they see their place in that world.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a writer based in Boston, Massachusetts who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
