If You Do These 8 Things As A Parent, You're Doing A Good Enough Job
Getty Images | Unsplash I am tired of the mom guilt phenomenon. Have you ever heard of the psychological concept of the “good enough” parent? If not, it’s the idea that there is a threshold for parenting that is good enough for the child to become a happy and productive person, and it is this:
The good-enough mother [who does a good enough job] starts with an almost complete adaptation to her infant’s needs, and as time proceeds, she adapts less and less completely, gradually, according to the infant’s growing ability to deal with her failure. Her failure to adapt to every need of the child helps them adapt to external realities.
In casual language, this means that it’s normal for the mom to be completely obsessed with her baby at the beginning of its life, and then she becomes less and less fully committed to being responsive 100% of the time, as the baby grows and can deal with more things on his own. Note that it’s actually important that a parent does not respond to all of the child’s needs, because this allows them to learn to achieve things on their own, and not to think that the world must bend to accommodate their desires at all times.
If you do these 8 things as a parent, you're doing a good enough job:
1. Do you tell your child you love them at least one time each day?
2. Do you engage in at least one playful, emotionally connected, or fun episode per day?
Even if this is just a bedtime story, watching SuperWhy together, looking at their artwork from school, and having a discussion in the car driving to or from an activity?
3. Do you feed them and care for their physical needs?
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Take them to the doctor for checkups, bathe them, and try to feed them some vegetables?
4. Do you attempt to give them one intellectually stimulating experience a day?
This could be school, playtime with friends, a conversation with you, or even a trip to the grocery store for a young child.
5. Once per week, do you make sure that they socialize with peers outside of school?
Playground time, neighbors, cousins, activities, something. Kids want to feel part of a culture. Afterschool activities and aftercare can count for this too.
6. Once in a while, do you do something really awesome?
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Like a trip to an amusement park, Disney on Ice, visiting another state, making a big deal out of a holiday? This will make some awesome kid memories, even if it's yearly.
7. Do you try to understand your child’s perspective at least a few times a day?
8. Do you try to model functional behavior with other people?
Including your spouse, your friends, your family, and your neighbors, at least as much of the time as you can? If you do all of these things, well, then, I think you’re a good enough parent doing a good enough job. Who agrees with me?
Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, aka Dr. Psych Mom, is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the founder of DrPsychMom. She works with adults and couples in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health.
